Sticky Wicket

MOVING ON

2006-12-03T11:17:00.000-08:00

We came, we blogged and we loved it.

We are now moving to our own place. Do come by! You'll be amazed at who all else you'll find.

www.retardjigsaw.com

Kemp's Corner

2006-11-27T05:10:00.000-08:00

I had no words to describe what I felt after we got Mein Kempfed by the Springboks yesterday.

Which is why I am glad my pal Qwerty said this

Now, can someone please make my tummy ache go away? I laughed so much.

Riggs.

Ashes to Dust

2006-11-26T10:43:00.000-08:00

Well, Mort, it's not like we didn't get to watch blades, just not the way you'd have liked. And it's not like I try to be right all the time, it just sorta happens. There were some positives though - the Captain did pull his weight, and Dhoni was delightful for a bit. But the South Africans mon, they've really picked up from Mr Rhodes eh? Wonder why the wise men at the BCCI didn't try hiring him with all their love for angrez coaches. Wait, I think they did try and he, um, refused. Makes me wonder if it'll help if we had Robin Singh as fielding coach, wat? That's the panacea, in my opinion - make Mohinder Amarnath coach and Robin Singh assistant. And PLEASE send Chappel home or to his cottage at Bangalore's Westend if they wont let him step on Australian soil again. And while we're at it, send Agarkar home too - Mumbai isn't very fussy about its soil.

On a whole other note, the Ashes is as entertaining as ever. I think Mort's taken a step in the right direction- this blog could really use a less depressing subject.

Bart

Kev and Warnie

2006-11-25T22:34:00.000-08:00

Spending a lazy Sunday morning watching The Ashes. The Poms were somewhat battered by the Convicts for a better part of this test match, but the last hour and a half has been a display of completely brazen batting by Messrs. Collingwood and Peitersen.

In a shocking display of complete disregard, they flayed the Convicts for a little over 150 runs in about 2 hours. Collingwood departed trying to get one too many of Warnie but the big Kev has just been joined by the even bigger Flint. Fireworks expected.

I have just been gobsmacked by the sight of big Kev taking a Sunday stroll down the wicket to Mr.McGrath. Not a 3-step jump like normal, a perfectly timed walk down the pitch. Such madness, but oh what fun!

I hope we get to see some from the Injun blades this afternoon as well!

Riggs

Glory to the King of Kings-mead

2006-11-23T08:50:00.000-08:00

In a sensational display of personal courage and conviction, Captain Lumberjack led his team to a spell-binding defeat at the Kingsmead stadium in Durban last night. After a reasonably average bowling and fielding performance, India sped along to said scintillating defeat at a glorious average of 10 runs per Indian. Captain Lumberjack's perfectly scripted evening of disgrace appeared to suffer a potential setback when Sachin Tendulkar began to look like he wanted to stick around and do something of consequence. But the anxiety turned out to be unnecessary as he too proved himself capable and willing to set aside his narow sense of sanity to accomodate the greater good.

In this humble reporter's humbler opinion, this superlative performance veritably stamps the argument in favor of making Mr Dravid captain for life and Mr Chappel the special in-charge for the resolution of India's border dispute with China.

Bartman

How can you ban this?

2006-11-11T01:18:00.000-08:00

I know - Intikhab feckin Alam was a batsman. No wonder he banned The Big Sho. Take a look at this.

Sheer genius and a larger than life personality. I don't care how much of a dumbass he sounds like when he speaks, I would put him in my World XI just to see that run up, that yorker and then that celebration.

Whew.

Chirpy Chirpy Cheep Cheep

2006-11-10T12:55:00.000-08:00

We've always wondered what's being said when cricketers have a go at one another verbally. I went looking to see if there was any of it online and here's what I found.

I hope your speakers are on :-

The first Vid is Sangakarra mouthing off at Shaun Pollock. Funny!

The second is Sir Flint putting some uppity Windians in their place. He first puts the fear of becoming Ricardo Powell into poor Dwayne Bravo who's smile slowly fades away. Then he winds up Tino Best into trying to hit over the top. His 'mind the windows Tino' worked like a charm. I watched over and over again. What a star!!

Bartman Returns

2006-11-09T22:59:00.000-08:00

Alright, it is now hopelessly clear - Riggster is terribly inept at handling my absences from this blog. He rants and raves about nothing. And by nothing, I mean Shoaib Akhtar and the Indian Circus or his conversations with me (which are usually centred around substance abuse, inanities and Greg Chappel - so it amounts to Riggs being stark, raving monotonous ) . Now I empathize with his current lot - I can confirm from having heard straight from the horse's mouth that Riggy has finally ( publicly) begun to acknowledge that Captain Lumberjack cannot really tell the wood from the trees. And that Sir Gregory really ought to be deified on the edge of the dying barrier reef - the only geographical location in the southern hemisphere where his smirk might be construed as independent of his general state of cluelessness. (Riggs - if you were skimming past the adjectives and still wondering about the horse and its mouth, have you shifted residence yet?)

Having accomplished desired pointlessness, allow me to further the Cricket Australia fiasco thread. While all is well with our collective shock/angst at the audacious behaviour of the Aussies, Chris Cairns had something thought-provoking to say on the matter - when a journalist mentioned that Mr Gavaskar had condemned the Australians for their rudeness, he asked if it might just be considered rude to walk out of a game for having been given out LBW. Touche.

Bart

The Last Hurrah

2006-11-09T12:44:00.000-08:00

I had laundry to do before I could sleep and whilst I waited for the washing machine to do it's thing, I passed time trolling the net for something interesting. I came across a video clip I had intended to put in one of my earlier posts, relating to Schumi's last race.

In my post, I wrote about his last move, where he put one past the driver who is going to warm his seat next year. It was a move that was audacious, atrocious and more or less summed up Schumi. Remember this, he made the move on Kimi two laps before he was going to retire. Hehe, if I ever end something, this is how I want it to end. With people (like me and I'm sure all the Tifosi around the globe) jumping out of their seat and shouting for more, much like the Ferrari pit crew that you are about to see!

Enjoy...

Shoaib Saga - Contd.

2006-11-09T10:51:00.000-08:00

NDTV and CNN cried themselves hoarse saying that they had Shoaib 'exclusives'. The NDTV version was so entertaining that I forgot to watch the CNN one.

Shoaib was his usual self. Brash. Ratatat. His mouth ran off before his brain knew so. His accent ran off even before his mouth did. It was Bend it like Beckham meets Loin Ajit meets Chris Rock meets Johnny Cash! I had no clue what he was trying to say other than he was innocent.

A chat on the messenger with Bartman had me giggling helplessly. On being told that Shoaib banged on Chappel's door and said something rude to his Missus, Bart said that Shoaib should have slapped Chappel instead. Heh heh. If the BCCI took Bart's point of view, Sourav-da would be India's Captain AND Coach!

Can't wait to see how this pans out.

IN OTHER NEWS - Punter wants to apologise to Sharad Pawar. Must be the first time he's ever done that. I hope Freddie is listening!

A slap and a song

2006-11-08T22:48:00.000-08:00

.... is the real reason for Shoaib Akhtar being banned for a couple of years. Some of the reports that I have read this morning state that Shoaib slapped Bob Woolmer because they couldn't agree on what music to play on the team bus. I wonder who wanted to listen to what. I am sumwot sure that Shoaib wouldn't have wanted to listen to Mozart.

Post the slapperoo, Shoaib then went to a nightclub and proceeded to get into a brawl over a women (or two, or three). He then later went on to something completely crazy - said Retd Colonel Anil Kaul, the Pakistan team liason officer - "Shoaib went to the floor where the Indian team was staying and started banging on the doors. He accidentally banged on the door of Indian coach Greg Chappell and his wife came out, dressed in her night clothes," he said. "Shoaib made some comments about her. The next morning, I was having breakfast with the Pakistan team manager when Woolmer stormed in. He said even Chappell has complained about Shoaib and strict action must be taken."

At this point, all I can say is poor fellow. Take drugs - get in trouble. Don't take drugs - get in trouble for a slap and a bar brawl. I still stand by what I said in my earlier post. The game is poorer simply because people like Akhtar and Warne, do magical things on the field and sometimes off it, take away their match fees or something, don't ban them.

Riggy Resurfaces!

2006-11-08T12:50:00.000-08:00

Hello One, Hello All and Hello Peccavi!

I have been missing in action for quite some time, living the life of my blog partner Bartman, by which I mean I completely ignore this blog. Much has happened since I last wrote a cricket post on the blog and I must apologise to those (few) who logged in here looking for something new. Please keep coming back, I am hoping I now ramble here more often and that Bart remembers this blog too.

In reverse chronological order :-

Damien Martyn and Ricky Ponting proved worthy ambassadors of Convict Country by getting a tad frisky with Sharad Pawar. While I am no fan of Sharad Pawar (he being a politician, among other things), I thought the Aussies were way out of line for pushing him off the stage the way they did. Lets reverse rolls for a second - Imagine a jubiliant Indian team at either Lords or the SCG, all happy and exuberant at winning a trophy that they had never won before - and someone like Harbhajan Singh pushes Malcolm Speed off stage just so they can go balle balle ballistic with the cup. Can you imagine the headlines? Can you imagine a smarmy Tony Greig say 'that was the most disgraisful ect I've ever seen on telly'. I can. We'll be called savages and barbarians and pushers (as well as chuckers).

Bah.

We then had the Paki Drug Bust just before the Champions Trophy! From where I'm sitting it sure looked to me that the Paki Board had a V for Vendetta with Akhtar and took care of him once in for all. I think the game is poorer simply because its lost one of its most colorful characters. I would stick Shoaib Akhtar in a World XI just so I could watch him come into bowl and let fly a couple of snorters. I wish he hangs in there and trains like a maniac and is still around in 2 years. More power to him. Strangely though, I am not too bothered about Asif simply because he is just 24 and has been given a one year ban. That's probably because he doesn't party too much and doesn't have an active sex life.

In between all these shenanigans, the Champions Trophy came and went. India, as usual, paper tigers, looked good for a bit and then sank like the Titanic. Minus Yuvraj Singh who was KhoKho'ed out of the game, the middle order looked like a pack of cards. In an unopened box. Poor Suresh Raina found out that it's not always rosy out there with a bat in your hands. Poor Irfan Pathan found out that it's not always rosy out there with a ball in your hands. Dhoni came, Dhoni went and El Capitan looked a tad jaded. For me, the team to watch was the Windians, who came, who saw and sure as hell conquered. I for one, will not be surprised if they make it to the semi-finals of the World Cup.

That said, the Ashes are about to commence. I chanced upon a picture of Freddie Flintoff doin some mean-ass pushups.

He is looking more like a boxer than a cricketer! Hopefully, this Ashes series will be as entertaining as the last one. Can't wait.

I also hope Bartman pays us a visit before the World Cup. Just to show that this blog is not forgotten! I shall return soonest as well. Till then, remember, Life's a pitch.

Farewell, Red Baron

2006-10-22T12:30:00.000-07:00

Having just watched the 2006 F1 season come to a close I have a lump in my throat simply because I know there will be no more Michael Schumacher to watch.

I have followed the sport of F1 racing for the last few years and Schumi has always been my favourite racer. Most people who follow the sport never liked watching him race because he was clinical and therefore, boring. The years 2000 to 2004 had him win the World Championship with ease only to have the most horrendous 2005.

Schumi had a thing or two to prove in the year 2006 and he came very close to winning yet another World Championship, coming up with the most exciting driving that I have ever seen him do. An engine blowout in Japan while leading ensured that his luck failed him while he needed him most which left him just one more race in the season, his final race, in Sao Paulo Brazil.

What a race it was. Anyone who watched this race will have to agree that this was the best Schumi performance in a long long time. Starting at #10, reaching 6th before a tyre blowout, going to #18 and then eventually finishing 4th - he showed us just why he is the greatest F1 racer of all time. His last over taking move on Kimi will be my most endearing image of Schumi for all time. It got me up and yelling for more.

Thank you Michael, for all the memories.

The Umpire Strikes Back

2006-09-22T21:50:00.000-07:00

The India Vs Australia clash yesterday was a fun encounter. It was tight and had its moments of intense cricket which resulted in an Aussie win (Yes, I can hear Bart sniggering)

What was the highlight of the game for me was the umpiring!

First the Harbhajan runout without the ball in his hand - After that bit of drama, you knew the Umpires were Hadding a bad day.

Then came Sachin and his caught behind. That was possibly the most ridiculous call I have ever seen, thank god there was a live relay on the ground. Ricky Ponting is heading for trivia glory for being the Australian Captain with the most lost match fees for arguing with the umpires. Give it up, Punter! (Of course, he has no fear of being banned because he is not a brown cricketer)

Just as you thought the whitecoats could do no worse, the caught behind that poor Bhaji was handed out was a very Rauf decision. A pity, the result might just have been a wee bit different had he managed to stay there.

Wonder what we're going to see next!

Riggs

Raising the Steaks

2006-09-22T12:59:00.000-07:00

This is going to be quick and painful - I told you so.

P.S: Someone PLEASE tell Mort to stop believing Dravid has the slightest clue about what's going on. I'm beginning to get worried for his sanity.

Sachin 65, Bart 0, Riggy 1

2006-09-20T11:29:00.000-07:00

My good friend Bart is baa-ing. It's what comes from being sheepish. No sooner did Bart finish ranting, the Indians played some Collapso Cricket of their own. At 78-6, my good friend chuckled away and decided the timing of the Morning Rant was spot on. I may even go so far as to say, Bart thought 'No Ganguly, whadya expect?'

I am glad Mr.T had other plans. He played the most awesome innings last time around and this time, I was so sure he would have scored another if not for that freak run out. At 162 all out, even the most diehard Indian fans would have thought we were coming home.

The rest, shall we say, is history. I am not going to talk about that. What I am going to do, however, is nudge Bart in the ribs and say 'Heh Heh, tell me, this Captain LumberJack, the great Indian Circuit, Chapeli, all of them, nitwits all,would like to know how humble pie tastes'.

As for the steak, this Sunday, I hear you're buying?

Bart, DO TELL!

Why does it always rain on me?

2006-09-18T10:53:00.000-07:00

At the outset, I must mention that Mort is one of my favorite people. That's the caveat. The real point to be made is that he's been getting on my nerves lately about how I've abandoned the blog. Obviously, it is lost on him that there is only so much room for fabrication of profound opinion on Mr Ganguly. And let's scroll down and notice I've pretty much used it all. It has now become about as easy to root for Saurav Dada as it is to get Morty to discuss his secret admiration for Karan Johar.

Well, regardless, while I'm here, allow me to opine briefly on the latest bumblings of Captain LumberJack. This way, Mort can shut up about my flak-ish tendencies for atleast a week and I can gloat over the Great Indian Circus' latest antics. Surprise, surprise - the Aussies and the West Indians are far better prepared for this faux League than all the good men who attended a clandestine training camp somewhere south of the Vindhyas. Mr Tendulkar is now done with his yearly quota of brilliance. We can now look forward to a series of 29's and 14's. And it turns out Mr Chappell is way too busy to bother with budding talent and way too dynamic to stick to one friggin' batting order. Mort, what was it that we wagered a steak on? It wouldn't be on the endless gold rush that Mr Dravid is on, would it? Not to rain on his parade or anything - because apparently that is a good thing these days.

- Bart

The Ugly Side of the Beautiful Game

2006-09-16T06:28:00.000-07:00

Another funny cricket conversation on the Yahoo Messenger with my good buddy Qwerty (http://ahnooie.blogspot.com)

Ahnooie: well come to my town - i'll get you to meet your favorite cricketers too

Riggs: Of that I have no doubt .... but Kirti Azaad is not my fav cricketer heh heh. I think he is the 2nd ugliest indian test cricketer? the first being Ashok Malhotra?

Ahnooie: heh heh - i'll make sure you don't meet - kapil dev. he can't understand English - you can't understand Hindi

Riggs: arre ? hum shud hindi mein vartalap kar sakte hain. dhanyavaad.

Ahnooie: oh there in a lost list - only the new cricketers take care - about personal grooming - even will all that - see Arun Lal? i mean you catch him outside the stadium - and you'll ask - Moongphali hai?

Riggs: hahahahahaahaha

I leave you faithful readers to judge this dubious beauty contest!

Arun Lal

Ashok Malhotra

Kirti Azad

The King is BACK!

2006-09-15T12:27:00.000-07:00

246 minutes, 148 balls faced, 141 runs scored, 13 x 4, 5 x 6, 95.27 Strike Rate - Need we say more?

Sachin Tendulkar is back. And how. Yes, I hear the doubting Kumar's say he started patchy, he had a live whilst on 5 , he scored many runs through slips. Yes. Okay. 141 of them. So pipe the heck down.

I agree, it wasn't one of Sachin's best. But it was his 40th ODI Century. Yes, you are reading that correctly. His FORTIETH. Coupled with the 35 he has in Test cricket as well. What a player.

Much has been said about his tennis elbow, his has-been batting, his retirement and all that jazz. I really don't care. I had a smile as wide as my waist last night when he reached his hundred. Post his hundred when his bat went boom boom boom and the ball kept flying into the stands, the smile went to a chuckle and finally that turned into a yell with a bunched up fist. His last six was magical, one from the old school.

I am glad he is back and scoring runs in the manner in which he was born to do. I just hope this form continues until after the World Cup. The last World Cup was all his - I have never seen him bat better. With this knock, he looks ready for an encore.

I end with my favourite pic of the day. After synchronised swimming, we have some synchronised batting. Sehwag and Dhoni - Cute !

The Score - $100,000 a run

2006-08-25T22:09:00.000-07:00

Yes. You read that right.

Umpire Hair penalised the Pakis 5 penalty runs for alleged ball tampering.

Now, since he did that, he has offered to quit the panel of Elite Umpires just as long as he's paid $500,000.

Not bad, Mr. Hair. Not bad at all.

Riggs

Splitting Hairs.

2006-08-23T13:14:00.000-07:00

Sydney: Umpire Darrell Hair has been hailed a hero in Australia for his role in the ball tampering row which led to Pakistan forfeiting the fourth Test against England.
Yeah Right. Bloody Convicts!

Robert Craddock, writing for the Daily Telegraph, said "Darrell Hair is prepared to poke his nose into grubby corners of the cricket world where most of his fellow umpires refuse to go"
Where is Mr. Robert bloody Craddock when there's a non Asian team sledging its poorer Asian opponents? Or when Michael Slater has a go at Rahul Dravid and umpire Venkatraghavan and gets away scot free. Where Brian Lara acts like a petulant child with a Pakistani umpire? What's good for the goose, obviously isn't good for the gander, what? Ol' Ricky P coming out to bat with an aluminium bat isn't exactly a 'grubby' corner now, is it?

"If there were a few more Hairs available to stand in matches around the world then cricket would be in less of a mess than it is right now," Patrick Smith wrote in The Australian.
Mr. Patrick Smith - How about if there were a few less Aussies playing cricket around the world, then cricket wouldn't be the sort of ugly-big-bully playground it is right now? Eh?

Hair should be considered a hero for his courage, despite being subjected to death threats in the past.
He should be glad the Ayatollah doesn't watch cricket.

Shaharyar Khan, the Chairman of the Pakistan Cricket Board (PCB), said the board would not accept Australian umpire Darrell Hair for any matches."We are going to make it clear to the International Cricket Council (ICC) that we are not going to play under the supervision of Hair in any future matches."
Go Paki Go Paki Go!! No Hair. No Hair.

Shane Warne has leapt to the defence of umpire and fellow Australian Darrell Hair, saying the man at the centre of the ball-tampering row was not racially motivated and was doing what he thought was right. "He's not racist, he just tries to do the best job he can," the leg-spinner told Australian Associated Press. "The times I've had him he's been fine."
Will someone please tell Warnie to shut up, eat his double-cheese burger with beans, take his diuretic, serve his 12 month ban and REALISE his name is NOT Muralitharan, he is NOT a darkie and that Yes, the times he has had with Hair are fine because they both come from the same country. I think Leg Spinners should be seen, not heard.

AND, from Pakistan ...

The cartoon in a Pakistani Islamist newspaper on Wednesday has Australian umpire Darrell Hair dressed in a Nato uniform growling: "I am also waging a war against terrorism."

A frontpage headline in The News reads: "When we are not terrorists, we are cheats."

The ICC and Hair should realise cricket is no longer just a sport or we would not have England refusing to tour Zimbabwe on political grounds or South Africa returning from Sri Lanka due to security concerns," former Pakistan captain Rashid Latif said.

AND, from around the world :-

Mike Marqusee, The Guardian
Umpire Darrell Hair did not accuse the Pakistanis of cheating; he declared, publicly, without warning, without consultation, and apparently without evidence, that they were cheating, and unilaterally implemented the statutory punishment for the offence - awarding five penalty runs to England and changing the ball, which had allegedly been tampered with.

Peter Roebuck, Sydney Morning Herald
Hair should have been sacked years ago because he is an erratic and headstrong umpire whose time has passed. His conduct at The Oval was the latest episode in a notably contentious career. Once again he chose the path of confrontation, throwing his weight around, asserting his authority without much thought about the consequences. Certainly, he did not hesitate to accuse a touring team of cheating. He is not so much a bull in a china shop as a dinosaur in a delicatessen.

Simon Barnes, commented in The Times:
“Sky, not short of cameras or curiosity, was unable to find any footage of a guilty player doing some sneaky thing to the ball. All we have, then, is Hair’s judgment: Hair’s punishment: Hair’s abdication: Hair’s creation of one the great periodic scandals in cricket history. All I can say is that he’d bloody well better be bloody well sure that he was bloody well right.”

John Ethridge of The Sun, a paper that hasn’t been backwards in condemning Pakistan in the past, wrote:
“An 18-stone Aussie called Darrell Hair trampled his feet all over the name of cricket with an astonishing display of pig-headedness. Umpire Hair’s refusal to see sense or abandon his misguided pride meant England became the first team in history to win a Test match by forfeit. Hair was the central figure in a bewildering day of controversy, anger, stubbornness and ultimately disgrace. Everybody else — the players, the Boards, the match referee and most of all the 12,000 spectators with tickets for today — wanted the Fourth Test to be completed. But Hair plonked his considerable bulk in the way as a row over ball-tampering escalated into a Test match being curtailed a day and a session early.”

So much for the Aussies and Darrel bloody Hair. This cut-paste is a tough job. On Tv, I saw Paki protesters with a banner that spelt his name 'Darril Heir', if someone finds a pic of that, please let me know.

Riggs

A bad Hair day!

2006-08-22T22:05:00.000-07:00

I have watched cricket over the years. While great batsmen, some bowlers and some fielders had us glued to our tellies, there have always been some umpires who have added their own brand of fun to the game. Some of our fondest memories have to do with umpires.

Can you forget Ambrose, trying to field the ball, running into Dickie Bird? Poor Dickie was all over the place and literally had to hold on to Curtley to stay upright. He then proceeded to walk around like a stunned man. Play acting at it's best. The players loved it and more importantly, the crowds loved it.

Shep and his triple Nelson phobia. He hopped around on one foot everytime Nelson appeared on the scoreboard, which again, became as famous as Sachin's crotch-box fidget and Srikkanth's sniffling! Shep's signalling of four to the scorers, the hand waving slow signal is how cricket fans the world over signal four.

Billy Bowden and his dancing queen antics were almost as huge a hit as some of Chris Cairns sixes. He bought elements of baseball, basketball and american football signals into cricket, along with being fleet of foot, signalling fours and sixes to the beat of those DJs blaring music on the Kiwi grounds.

And then.... there's Darrel Hair. Grumpy. Boring. Unless you're an Asian cricketer. That's when you're on your toes. You never know when you're going to get shafted. Whenever there's been a hard decision and some kind of controversy with Hair, you can be rest assured its never with an Aussie, Kiwi or Pom! It's Sri Lanka. Pakistan. Zimbabwe. All that's missing is a KKK hood and Hair's in business.

It boggles the mind that 26 Tv cameras (by what I think are the best production team in the world) could not capture what Hair's eagle-eyes have. The ball wasn't allowed to be inspected by Inzy until Inzy demanded his rights. It all reeks of bollocks, if you ask me. Prez Perv has jumped into the fray and added his two-bits. I do hope the ICC wakes up and smells chai, carrying this on any further will release a tsunami of Asian hate all over the gentleman's game.

Prof. Deano, No No - No No

2006-08-07T21:30:00.000-07:00

Racism and religous stereotyping raised its ugly head when Aussie ex-test cricketer now commentator Dean Jones was heard on air, calling a South African player a terrorist.

When Hashim Amla, who is a devout Muslim, took the catch to dismiss Kumar Sangakkara, Jones was heard to say "the terrorist has got another wicket". He has since been given the boot by his 'terrorist employer' Ten Sports, who, ironically, is also headed by 'terrorists'.

A contrite Jones later said - "I'm gone, I'm on the 1 a.m. flight. It was a silly and completely insensitive thing to say and, obviously, it was never supposed to be heard over the air. I am truly sorry to have caused offence to anybody and the last thing I intended was to be disrespectful.

"Everyone needs to get away from perpetuating the myth, publicly and privately, that beards associated with the Muslim faith are somehow suspicious, and I intend to do exactly that. The irony is that I am great friends with most of the Pakistan team and they are all Muslims.

"I have no end of respect for the Muslim faith - that's why I'm so sorry at making such a stupid comment," he said. "It does not represent who I am, how I think or what I believe. I will be the first person to apologise to Hashim as soon as I get the chance, and I will assure him that prejudice against anybody, on any basis, is unacceptable and not something I will ever condone."

Yeah. Right.

Just one thought though. Ten Sports IS run by the Arabs. Would he still have got the sack if he had said this on Star or ESPN? Or Channel 9? Or BBC Sports? Point to ponder, really.

Riggs

Bengali Rabbits and Kannad Secrets

2006-08-02T05:54:00.001-07:00

Well, I'm having a stupendously terrible week. Absolutely no sleep, dead-boring work, all sorts of human conflict, several screw-ups AND I've been subjected to an overdose of rapid, mumbaiyya hindi conversation at work. And my spoken Hindi wasn't too good to begin with. Chop chop. This post is not about my life situation (although after such a prolonged absence, it seems natural to subject the kind Junta to inane samachar). I hear the alleged 'bachcha', is, to quote the good people at CricInfo"in the eye of another potential storm. Speculation is rife about his possible rehabilitation, even though partial, in the form of a place among the 30 probables for the Champions Trophy". Now this may all be what is widely known in Republican circles as "posturing and hence, facilitating". But what this occasionally-practising writer is concerned about is the the repercussions of the said possibility for Captain My-City-Is-so-Cool-it-can-host-Secret-Training-Camps.

Now this said city is rather cool( Please to be referring Riggs' travel accounts in this and associated blogs). And we do have our share of savvy entrepreneurs. But imagine a "secret" training camp conducted at an "undisclosed" location in shocking proximity to a high society spa that loves going to the press. I mean, like, how cool is that, obviously.

Anyhoo, just checking in as a warm-up exercise in prepartion to be star witness to the imminent chaos. If Mr Ganguly pulls a white rabbit, will Mr Bengaluru pull a HDK?

Bart

Ripley's Opposites and How!

2006-07-31T12:55:00.000-07:00

Two incidents took place this last week in the world of cricket that couldn't be more far apart.

In the first instance, English Village Cricket saw something amazing in its Dishforth VS Goldsborough match in the Nidderdale Amateur League at North Yorkshire.

The Goldsborough village cricket team has earned the dubious distinction of having all its batsman getting out before scoring a single run. Goldsborough’s princely five runs came from four byes and one leg-bye. Goldsborough captain Peter Horseman somehow tried to hide his embarrassment saying they almost got a run but couldn’t take it because the batsman was hurt. “It was surreal and embarrassing. We almost got a run, but the batsman turned it down because he’d just been hit on the foot,” he said.

On the flip side, have a look at this.

Sri Lanka VS South Africa.

Sri Lanka 1st innings
WU Tharanga c Boucher b Steyn 7
ST Jayasuriya lbw b Steyn 4
KC Sangakkara c Boucher b Hall 287
DPMD Jayawardene b Nel 374
TM Dilshan lbw b Steyn 45
CK Kapugedera not out 1
Extras (b 17,lb 5,w 8,nb 8) 38

Total (5 wickets dec; 185.1 overs) 756

Fall of wickets: 1-6 (Jayasuriya, 1.3 ov), 2-14 (Tharanga, 3.3 ov), 3-638 (Sangakkara, 160.3 ov), 4-751 (Dilshan, 182.1 ov), 5-756 (DPMD Jayawardene, 185.1 ov)

How the heck does someone, in a Test Match go from 2-14 to 3-638 ???

GO FIGURE !!

The Bania Strikes Back!

2006-07-31T08:36:00.000-07:00

Remember the Garden of Eden?

Nice story, that. Had 4 characters.

Adam. Eve. The Serpent. God.

As the story goes, God made Adam, realised Adam was lonely then made Eve and gave them paradise to live in forever without paying any rent just as long as they stayed away from the apple, who, demanding to be eaten, hired The Serpent as a marketing consultant to convince Adam and Eve to do so and leave Eden. Which is more or less what happened.

I don't know what happened to The Serpent but I think HE stayed BACK and enjoyed the Garden of Eden.

Which is what our present day story is like. In 2006.

Our garden of Eden has 4 Characters Too. Our Garden of Eden houses the Cricket Association of Bengal

God, starring the very dashing Buddadeb B.

Adam the courageous, played by our fine Police Commissioner Prasun Mukherjee.

Eve the shrew, embodied our nail chewing Maharaj

AND

The Serpent, played to perfection by his Fiefdomness, Shri Jagmohan Dalmia.

God wanted it all. He wanted Eden BACK. He asked The Serpent not to contest in the elections. The Serpent, obvious to say wanted to no such thing and spurned God's offer. God, fielded his best for this battle of battles. The strong and courageous Adam fought hard and long. Before The Serpent realised, Eve, his one time protege, turned the tables and ran off to Adam and released ANOTHER email. Eve had a history of a slippery mail box and opportune press conferences. God thought he had this one in the bag.

On D-Day, Adam called out his forces. The Garden of Eden was turned into a veritable fortress. Not a mouse got through. Mobile phones were banned. People voted. Counting began. Outside, various news channels told us that Adam and Co were terribly confident. Smug even. The Serpent is done, they said.

Counting finished. News channels and Prannoy Roy held their breath.

61-56.

Banter flowed.

God said 'Good has lost to Evil'. Amazing.

The Serpent said 'Sourav is a bachcha. We do not talk about bachchas'.

The Bania Strikes Back!

Leaky faucets and Commentators

2006-07-22T11:08:00.000-07:00

Was watching highlights of the 2nd Ashes Test in 2006 on Star Sports. Discovered this complete howler.

Enjoy.

Australia needs 54 to win, with it's last pair at the crease.Flintoff steams in, lets fly one that swings. Michael Kasprowics walks right across his stumps and is struck on his pad. Flintoff and all of England appeal. NOT OUT says Billy Bowden.

Hawkeye confirms Kasper should have been on his way.

Its Naz (Nasser Hussain) and Mikey (Michel Holding) in the Box.

Naz : So Mikey, what do you think?

Mikey : Even if Kasper fixed taps and pipes, he could'nt have been Plumber.

Had me in splits, that did.

Of sledging and Sir Geoffrey

2006-07-21T14:02:00.000-07:00

Was having a chat about all of this with a pal the other night. Made him crack up and reminded me of the time I first read these little beauties. AM sure some of you might have read these, for those who haven't, you're in for a treat, is all I can say. The post is long, but worth every minute!

Enjoy

The Funnies
The batsman was out first ball. On the long walk back to the pavilion he had to pass the incoming batsman, a supercilious rival. 'Hard luck, old man,' smirked the newcomer. 'Yes. It's a shame I had to be right in the middle of a hat trick

The cricket enthusiast would travel any distance to watch a match-nothing could keep him from the game he loved. One day, a friend met him and said, 'You're looking a bit down.'
'The wife said she's going to divorce me.'
'What grounds?'
'Oh, Headingly, Edgbaston, Lord s . . .

Back in the pavilion, the batsman was talking to a team mate. 'I can't understand it,' he said 'The ball hit my head and the wicket-keeper caught it, but the umpire gave me out. His friend looked sympathetic. 'Sometimes they go by sound.'

The captain of a team says to the Umpire, "My players want to know if there is a penalty for thinking." The Umpire says, "No." The captain says, "Well we think you're an asshole, then."

In the 1970s, two dedicated Yorkshiremen were at the match. One discovered that he'd left his wallet at home and friend offered to go back for it. He returned pale and shaken. 'I've got bad news for thee, Bob. Your wife s run off and left thee, and your house 'as burned to the ground!' Said Bob...'I've got worse news for thee, lad. Boycott's out.'

A Yorkshireman had emigrated to America, but still used to receive news from home by mail. One day, he got the following telegram: 'Regret father died this morning STOP early hours. Funeral Wednesday STOP Yorkshire two hundred and one for six STOP Boycott not out ninety six.'

Sledging :-

McGrath to Ramnaresh Sarwan:
"So what does Brian Lara's d*ck taste like?"
Sarwan: "I don't know. Ask your wife."
McGrath (losing it): "If you ever fCUKing mention my wife again, I'll
fCUking rip your fCUking throat out."

Daryll Cullinan & Shane Warne:As Cullinan was on his way to the wicket, Warne told him he had been waiting 2 years for another chance to humiliate him. "Looks like you spent it all eating," Cullinan retorted.

New Zealand vs South Africa: Daryll Cullinan was batting, attempting a comeback from a complete bamboozling from Warne in earlier games. Cullinan played the first ball from Chris Harris very carefully back down the pitch, and keeper Parore yelled out "Well bowled Warnie!"

Merv Hughes & Viv Richards: During a test match in the West Indies, hughes didn't say a word to Viv, but continued to stare at him after deliveries. "This is my island, my culture. Don't you be staring at me. In my culture we just bowl." Merv didn't reply, but after he dismissed him he announced to the batsman: "In my culture we just say fCUk off.".

And of course you can't forget Ian Healy's legendary comment which was picked up by the Channel 9 microphones when Arjuna Ranatunga called for a runner on a particularly hot night during a one dayer in Sydney... "You don't get a runner for being an overweight, unfit, fat c**t!!!"

Mark Waugh standing at second slip, Adam Parore, new to the crease playing & missing the first ball. Mark - "Ohh, I remember you from a couple years ago in Australia. You were shit then, you're fcuking useless now". Parore(Turningaround) "Yeah, that's me & when I was there you were going out with that old, ugly slut & now I hear you've married her. You dumb fCUk".

Glenn McGrath & Eddo Brandes
McGrath was bowling to the Zimbabwe number 11 - who was unable to get his bat anywhere near the ball. McGrath, frustrated that Brandes was still at the crease, wandered up during one particular over and inquired: "Why are you so fat?" Quick as a flash, Brandes replied: "Because every time I make love to your wife, she gives me a biscuit." Even the Aussie slip fielders were in hysterics.

Merv Hughes & Robin Smith
Smith played and missed while facing Hughes in the 1989 Lord's Test between England and Australia. Hughes, never short of a word or two, told the Hampshire star: "You can't fCUking bat, mate." Smith then smashed the next ball to the boundary and replied: "Hey Merv, we make a fine pair. "I can't fCUking bat and you can't fCUking bowl."

Merv Hughes again!!
Merv Hughes & Javed Miandad in the 1991 Adelaide Test against Pakistan. Hughes was less than impressed when Javed called him a "fat bus conductor" as the pair squared up to one another. A few balls later, Hughes got his man and as Javed walked past, could not resist shouting "Tickets, please!"

This involves Steve Waugh and Parthiv Patel. Steve Waugh was playing in his last test and when he comes up to bat :- Parthiv-"so this is your last test...show us some of that famous sledging of yours." Steve-"Respect Me...For when I made my test debut You were still in your nappies"

Jeff Thomson was bowling to Viv Richards in a county game. Viv missed a superb out swinger, and Thomas said "It's red, round and weighs about 5 1/2 ounces." Next ball Viv hits Jeff Thommo out of the ground for 6 and replies,"Thommo, you know what it looks like. Go ahead and find it!"

Fred Trueman bowling. The batsman edges and the ball goes to first slip, and right between Raman Subba Row's legs. Fred doesn't say a word. At the end of the over, Row ambles past Trueman and apologises sheepishly. "I should've kept my legs together, Fred". The reply is classic Trueman, "Not you, son. Your mother should've!"

A classic from the master of sledging, Ian Healy: Ben Hollioake had
just made his debut, hitting Glenn McGrath in the process. On his way back after finally being dismissed, Shane Warne cried: 'Hey, Ben' Hollioake turned round expecting a pat on the back. Instead Healy came in from behind and said: 'Get back to the nets, you fCUking idiot.'

Rvi Shastri v/s Mike Whitney , the Aussie 12th Man. Shastri hits it to Whitney and looks for a single. Whitney gets ready to throw the ball in and says "If you leave the crease i'll break your fUCking head off " Shastri: "if you could bowl as well as you can talk you wouldn't be the fUCking 12th man"

Australian wicket-keeper Rod Marsh, to English batsman Ian Botham: "So how's your wife and my kids?" The reply "The wife's fine, the kids are retarded"

Australian Merv Hughes to Englishman Robin Smith: "Does your husband play cricket as well?"

Malcolm Marshall was bowling to David Boon who had played and missed a couple of times. Marshall : “Now David, Are you going to get out now or am I going to have to bowl around the wicket and kill you?”

Shane Warne when bowling against Arjuna Ranatunga wondered aloud what would draw him out of his crease. Wicketkeeper Ian Healy piped up,"Put a Mars Bar on a good length. That should do it."

Mark Waugh to Jimmy Ormond coming out to bat in an Ashes match: “Mate, what are you doing out here, there’s no way you’re good enough to play for England.” Ormond: “Maybe not, but at least I'm the best player in my family.

"Bomber" Wells, a spin bowler and great character, played for Gloucestershire and Nottinghamshire. He used to bat at No.11 since one couldn't bat any lower. Of him, they used to paraphrase Compton's famous words describing an equally inept runner, "When he shouts 'YES' for a run, it is merely the basis for further negotiations!" Incidentally, Compton was no better. John Warr said, of Compton "He was the only person who would call you for a run and wish you luck at the same time." Anyway, when Wells played for Gloucs, he had an equally horrendous runner as the No.10. During a county match, horror of horrors.......both got injured. Both opted for runners when it was their turn to bat. Bomber played a ball on the off, called for a run, forgot he had a runner and ran himself. Ditto at the other end. In the melee, someone decided that a second run was on. Now we had *all four* running. Due to the confusion and constant shouts of "YES" "NO", eventually, all of them ran to the same end. At this point in time, the entire ground is rolling on the floor laughing their behinds out. One of the fielders - brave lad - stops laughing for a minute, picks the ball and throws down the wicket at the other end. Umpire Alec Skelding looks very seriously at the four and calmly informs them "One of you buggers is out. I don't know which. You decide and inform the bloody scorers!". (Incident described in "From the Pavilion End" by Harold "Dickie" Bird)

During the 1997 Ashes series, the English team decided not to sledge Steve Waugh as he revelled in a hostile atmosphere and sledging merely fuelled his adrenalin. Waugh arrived at the crease and soon realised this: 'OK, you're not talking to me are you? Well, I'll talk to myself then'. And he did, for 240 minutes in the first innings, and 382 minutes in the second.

The 2nd Ashes Test ends in a dramatic win for the English. The last pair of Aussie batsmen, Bret Lee and Michael Kasprowicz have added close to 60 runs for the last wicket before falling, 3 runs shy of the target. As the dejected Aussies walk back, Flintoff puts his arm around Lee and has a few words. Sporting words of encouragement? A 'Well Done Mate' ? When Flintoff was asked what he said, he replied, with a cheeky smile‘I told him it’s 1-1, you Aussie bastard.”

If anyone has more that they would like to add to this, please do so, by all means.

Cheers all,

Da Riggs

Welcome to China, parts of Taliban occupied Afghanistan and the Emergency.

2006-07-17T22:55:00.000-07:00

My Dad used to tell me stories about Indira Gandhi and the Emergency in the late 70's. I could never relate to what he was on about. Apparently, newspapers and radio were severely edited, radio was edited. People ran scared because they had no information and propoganda ruled the roost.

Cut to 17th July 2006. 30 years later. The government, in it's infinite wisdom, has decided to block Blogspot. Rediff quotes 'Bloggers in India are getting together to protest against the sudden blocking of popular Google-owned blog-hosting site Blogger by some Internet Service Providers (ISPs) like Spectranet, Mahanagar Telephone Nigam Limited (MTNL), Reliance Powersurfer, Airtel Broadband and Sify. J Grewal, Spectranet's Delhi representative at the National Internet exchange of India, told this reporter that, on July 15, the Department of Telecommunications (DoT) had sent ISPs a list of sites to be blocked. R H Sharma, senior engineer with MTNL, said the list ran into some 22 pages'

A list of 22 pages? Who the heck is the DoT to tell me what I can access and what I can't? According a body called the Computer Emergency Response Team, or CERT-IN, Web sites can be blocked if they contain pornography, speeches of hate, contempt, slander or defamation, or if they promote gambling, racism, violence or terrorism.

I'm wondering. Do Narendra Modi's speeches get posted online? Is that website still up and running? There are websites that have the Hindus cursing Muslims, Muslims cursing the Hindus and anyone else, Jews, Shi'ites, Serbs etc etc etc. Are they still accessible? Has anyone put a block on them? The other excuse is 'Terrorists use blogs to pass information'. That's cool. Block the blog. Terrorists make phone calls too. Landlines and Mobiles. So lets knock the phone networks down next.

I used to wonder about people in China and in the Middle East who would have sites that they were not allowed to access. I would think that it was so fundamentaly wrong to deny any person the right to information. I would thank my stars that I didn't live in China. Or Saudi. Or Afghanistan.

Turns out now, that I don't need to.

Welcome censorship. What's next, I wonder.

What a Cheeka Bugger !!!

2006-07-08T02:10:00.000-07:00

It was evening to remember. A talkshow with Boman Irani and my childhood hero, Krish Srikkanth. Having attended previous such shows (Once with Boman Irani & Siddharth Basu and once with Cyrus Broacha and Navjyot Sidhu) I knew that this evening would be just as good.

It was. That and then some. Boman Irani was fantastic. Had us all in splits. We shan’t talk about him too much because this isn’t a Theatre Artist Blog. This is a cricket blog. Which is why we will spend the rest of this blog talking about Krish.

The one thing that Srikkanth does, is radiate energy. A volatile, nervous, Okay-It’s-Going-To-Explode-Any-Minute kind of energy which is extremely funny to watch. I was seated on a table right next to his table (Riggs is Posh, Riggs gets good seats) and the first thing that strikes you is that he is as fidgety at a table as he used to be at the wicket. I don’t know what he was saying to the others on his table but they were going completely mental.

Anyhoo, as they say, the show was a complete blast. Cheeka was in his element, talking about his cricket, his wife, other cricketers and other funny anecdotes.

Whilst all this was happening, I was using a Teacher’s HighnightS comment card to jot down the funniest bits, all for your enjoyment. I felt very reporter-like. (Clark Kent, not Piloo)

And, Cheeka said :-

‘When we went to the ’83 World Cup we didn’t think we would do anything. We never won anything in the ’75 World Cup. Even Sri Lanka beat us and they weren’t even a test playing nation. Then ’79 happened and we beat a county called East Africa. No one gave us a chance in 1983. Not even ourselves. In fact Sunny had booked us a tour of the US after the World Cup. To play cricket there in some cities. Sunny, Sandy (Patil), Ravi (Shastri), Yash (Yashpal) and myself were booked. We thought we’ll go to London, have a nice chutti, then watch semis and finals (as spectators) at Lord’snd then go to US. You won’t believe me… I promise … but our tickets were booked ‘Bombay – London – New York’ ….

‘In the 83 World Cup, aiyyo, West Indies , what a line up! Greenidge, Haynes, Larry Gomes, Viv Richards, Clive Lloyd, Faoud Bachus…’ *pause* and a heckler from the crowd yelled ‘and the bowlers’ .. to which Cheeka, laughed and said ‘Macha I don’t even want to remember them. They are best forgotten. MarshallHoldingRobertsandGarner’ *all in one breath*

‘Kapil? He is the greatest Indian cricketer. A complete Punjab-ka-paththar’

‘Against Zimbabwe, My God. My wife was at the ground. She came to see me play. I struggled for six overs and scored 0. Then everyone went and as you all know we were 17-5. In those days we had strict rules. Wives were not allowed to sit in the players enclosure. So I was sitting outside the enclosure. That ground Tungbridge Wells is a small ground, no proper pavilion. So I was sitting outside next to the players enclosure with my wife. Soon Kapil started hitting and the score reached 75-5. The Mann (P R Mansingh, the Indian Manager) told everyone that no one should move from where they are sitting. Us cricketers are a superstitious lot. My wife and I were freezing and Mann woudn’t let us move. I wanted to take a leak because it was so cold but Mann never let me move. He said he didn’t care and I could piss in my pants but I was not to move. People always ask me about that innings and I always want to tell them I watched it sitting outside the players enclosure in the freezing cold and badly wanting to take a leak.’

‘Arre yaar I was never a tuk-tuk player’

‘In 1986 England had dropped Botham. I was batting and was on strike and suddenly there was a streaker on the ground. Naked woman, right next to me holding a banner that said BRING BACK BOTHAM. I didn’t know what to do. Whether to look at her or not to look or take strike. And at the other end Sunny was laughing like a madman. Anyway. That naked woman was taken away by the police and all. Then I got out 4 runs later.’

‘I used to hit the ball man. Tapal. Six. I was a tapal player’

(While narrating how he dropped Lance Cairns, then didn’t attempt a catch of the next ball, was moved to square leg and the catch came to him again, which he took) ‘That Lance Cairns, you know, Chris Cairns ka ppithajee, he had arms like three of mine’

‘Yes the Indian Team boycotted me during 2003 World Cup. It was all because of a media misunderstanding. One of the channels called me and asked me where I think Sourav Ganguly should bat and I as a joke said at Number 14. Haha. But see now, it’s true. Woh Sourav number 14 mei hi batting kar raha hai’

‘Even I took 5 wickets in a one day match twice. And I am a poi bowler. You know Poi bowler? Jiska balls bas poita hai’ (Po = Go in tamil. By which he meant his deliveries would ‘go’ straight on without spinning.

It was the most brilliant evening. Cheeka also took time out to pose with an adoring fan. Me.

Post Mortems :- Dr. N S Sidhu

2006-07-03T02:00:00.000-07:00

Having stayed awake till 430 am to watch India win, I knew the only thing sweeter was to watch Sidhu on one of those news channels, talking about the win. I waited. I was not disappointed.

Here we go, Sidhuisms, fresh of the airwaves :-

On the difference between both Captains :- Dravid is cool as a cucumber, mind as cool as ice. Lara is a rothudu, remember how people used to cry when yu played pithu-garam as youngsters . He is Captain Crybaby. Crying about bad selection and bad pitches. He is making West Indian cricket seem like a jhanda without a danda.

On perceptions of this Indian team before the series :- Arre yaar this is a ‘phus pataka’

On Indian batsmen who perform abroad :- Even a cock crows over his own dungeon. You can only assess greatness on alien lands.

On if’s and buts :- If the partridge had the woodcock’s thighs, it wud be the best bird to ever fly.

On various cricketers who played a part in this match :-

Denesh Ramdin – He did not cave in like a pack of cards

Anil Kumble is quick thru the air, the Jumbo has taken off.

Dravid – Time to change his name from The Wall to The Rock.

And finally .... pure Sidhu :- The greatest room in this world is the room for improvement.

More later !

Riggs

WEEDUNNIT !!

2006-07-02T15:44:00.000-07:00

34 Years.

Yes. Well, my present age and my erstwhile waist-size.

It is also the number of years between a series victory in the West Indies for us desis. The last time this happened Sunil Gavaskar had all his hair and was just The Little, Ajit Wadekar was the Indian captain and limited overs cricket was just a distant gleam in the milkman's eye, having not yet been conceived.

It's been a long time coming.

The first two tests went down to the wire, the third was close and this time around Rahul Dravid & his band of Merry Men were not to be denied. At the end of day 1, having seen India dismissed for 200 runs, one could have been forgiven for thinking we had lost the plot. By the end of Day 2 we were all feeling a whole lot better. At the end of Day 3, one cannot help but stand up and applaud Anil Kumble. If it was Dravid on Day 1 and 2 with his batting, it was Sreesanth and Kumble on Day 3. Brilliant, brilliant bowling!

Kingston Town is going be rocking and rolling to the Balle Balle Himesh Reshamiya beat tonight.

To my buddy & partner in crime Bart, I hate to say I told you so, BUT I TOLD YOU SO. So much for your Dravid-bashing, he walked off with the man of the match and the man of the series. I also told you RD would do a Wadekar. This also means I have started planning on where to have that steak.

Just one blot on this otherwise beautiful horizon. Will someone PLEASE tell Kiran More it's uncool to hang around a prize distribution ceremony in shorts and a red shirt and it's nasty to have mehendi-hair at his age. Would the BCCI kindly step in and send it's Chairman of Selectors to a stylist?

They say a picture is worth a thousand words. Here's my pic(k) of the day!

More on this delightful subject later!

Riggy

PS. A Sidhu gem on Rahul Dravid's two innings. Rahul's patience is like a tube of toothpaste. No matter how much is squeezed it's never really over. A true dhishum-dhishum moment.

A tale of 6 Countries!

2006-07-01T16:02:00.000-07:00

England, Portugal, Brazil, France, India and the West Indies.

What a Saturday night. John Travolta and the BeeGees were nothing compared to this Saturday Night Fever. The evening started off well, by which I mean we got SEATS at my favourite watering hole, The Under Deck. If you ever visit Hyderabad, the Under Deck exists at the Taj Banjara and is pretty much the best place to kickback and soak in the spirit(s).

We started the evenin in fine style, the Poms and the Ports playin much back and forth footy. Other than the penalty shoot-out, the most entertaining moment of the match for me was Rooney's stomp-on-his-fruit-and-veg tackle. Even I winced. Post his trampling of the opposition (pun intended), his push and shove ways bought much joy to those of us gathered around the bar. Penalties, in my humble opinion, are the worst way to lose a match and I fear Britanica shall mourn tomorrow.

Whilst all this was going on, I spent some money Hutch's way, getting updates on the cricket score frequently on my mobile. Windian wickets tumbled at regular intervals and a Pub-Post Blog was hurriedly updated. Took pics of the same coz it's possibly the most outrageous thing I've done with my phone. (Okay, ONE of the most outrageous things I've done with my phone)

Sticky-Wicket gets updated @ Home Away from Home

Post all this revelry, the Samba-wallahs took the field with the Frogs. What a game !Great fun all the way, though I personally think that the World Cup will be a little less exciting now that Brazil got the boot.

While I was at the Home Way from Home, my pals were talking about MrFunnyMan's blog (come on Qwerts, take a bow). Those few who didn't know what we were on about and who demanded to know were given the works. We got online from my phone (again, one of those crazy phone things) and gave THEM a tummyache with all the laughs. I don't think they cared too much about the football after that.

Qwertyworld Vs WorldCupFooty

Got home in time to watch Dravid and Dhoni make the second highest partnership of the match, MSD getting done in by a delivery that was as high as my IQ. Six sessions of play have seen 26 wickets fall and it was remarkable to see Dravid stand tall. I know Bartman is somewhere on this blog, eating crow and making plans of coming back and telling us it was all planned by Dravid's PR -wallahs and etc, but RD is the MAN, let there be no doubt about that. 81 in the first knock, batting on 60 overnight in the second, his effort is nothing short of spectacular. He's scored over a thousand runs in 2006 and as far as I know, we still have half a year left. May his tribe and his strike rate increase.

Test 4 is tantalisingly poised. Another 50-75 runs in the kitty and I think the Windians will be hard pressed to win, providing the wicket stays the way its been playing on these two days. If it eases up, Lara will anchor one end up and grind his way to a winning score.

What's it gonnna be? Will Captain Courageous be able to hold it together and along with the Turbanator and Kumble Circle take us to a historic win OR will Lord Brian keep his destiny with #7 at Sabina?

I can't wait !!

Pub update!

2006-07-01T10:59:00.000-07:00

It's 1140 pm, the Portugese have just sunk the British Empire .I'm at my favourite watering hole, the Underdeck.

They just turned the cricket on. The Windians are 91-7.

Two words.

GAME ON!

Riggs

Hair today, Gone tomorrow

2006-06-28T10:23:00.000-07:00

I just watched the Lankans beat the English yet again. B O R I N G! The only thing of interest during this SL Vs Eng series has been the Sri Lankan hairstyles. This blog therefore, is dedicated to all those cricket fashionistas on the pitch.

Enjoy !!!

HAIR TODAY

Dhoni - From Brown to Black

Malinga - Wild Wild Waste, wtf was he thinking????

Warnakulasuriya Patabendige Ushantha Joseph Chaminda Vaas (PRESENT) - That 70's Show

Kabir Ali - As confused as his hair

Kevin 'then' ....

GONE TOMORROW

and Kevin 'now' ...

apna Veeru - a much better hairstyle, or lack off.

Inzi - allahtallah ka lakh shukar hai, Buoys plaid ver'well and barber did good jobs thenks to coach.

Santah Chromedomesuriya

We can't do a blog on cricket hairstyles without doffing our hats to the Brylcreem boys, so here goes...

And finally, the end is near. I enjoyed looking for these pics and my search for them was interesting. I came across a set of pics that I simply had to put up here. These pics belong to my favourite half-assed half-trekker, law of evrejes friend Ramiz Raja.

These pics are filed under the section 'I would not ask who's your barber'

Cheers y'awl ...

Riggs

Um..Hello

2006-06-28T05:04:00.000-07:00

Salaam junta log. I see much has transpired while I sought respite from the blogosphere in much idling, arbitrary forest hikes,mountain treks, giant screen football, way too much beer and failed attempts at white water rafting. Mort has obviously stolen any thunder that might or might not have been with such novelties as color pictures and italicized clowns (Hello there, Mr Funnyman) but clearly, the blog has lost its significance as far as the noble quest of Dravid-bashing is concerned(matter will be presently sorted out, rest assured). Nonetheless, here's to the great job my teammate has pulled off(:D Morty, do you think it's about time we tell them who we really are?). And of course, allow me to announce the obvious : I'm Back.

Bartman

0-0, 3 Down.

2006-06-26T13:53:00.001-07:00

What a day!

When the Windians declared, leaving India 392 to win in 86 overs, I was excited. It wasn't exactly a stiff target and I hoped that if Sehwag fired we would have made a match of it.

Sehwag, bless his booties and bald head, took the bait. A slash here. A thump there. 50 off 60 and looking good for more. India went into lunch at 109-0, with Sehwag on 65 and Jaffer on 35. India came out from lunch at 109-0. One ball later and Sehwag was on his way back. A rather heavy lunch, I would assume as his foot refused to leave the crease and stayed there. He has become sumwot of a Colley-flower bunny, falling to him in 4 innings out of 5.

The Hyderabadi Hero from the first innings, Very Very Special walked in and with Jaffer steadied the boat. Jaffer, looked good for much more than the 50plus he scored, wafting away outside his offstump. What followed was India's best chance at winning this test match. Very Very Special and The Wall put on exactly a hundred. VVS looked good for his second hundred off the match, sacrificing his wicket whilst pushing the score along, slashing a wide one to Lara at slip.

In walked Dhoni. A clear indication that the chase was still on. I was on rediff, discussin ball by ball with a pal who was watchin up in the Himalayas and another pal who was watching in Dubai and we all wondered what he would do. We didn't wait long and all yelled out loud, as Dhoni's first ball disappeared over long off for a huge six. He played a somewhat strange innings, leaving a lot of balls outside the offstump, hitting another flatbat six over cover before hammering one into covers which was snapped up by Gayle pulling off a complete blinder.

That's where the Indians gave up the ghost, drawing their shutters down and Yuvraj spending some time in the middle with Drav who bought up yet another test 50. He also is now 2 short of Graham Gooch's 8900 test runs. Once he goes back those runs, only the select few who have 5-figure-test runs are ahead of him. What a player!

Fine memories from this test match. Sarwan whallopin Munaf Patel for 6 fours in one over. VVS's fighting hundred in the 1st innings which was a work of art. The gutsy Indian tail-wag, Kumble gettin 40 plus, Bhaji a 30 plus not out and Munaf Patel who hung around for ages and scored 13. Dean Jones couldn't stop laughing as he thought Patel (who is possibly the worst Test # 11 today) asking for a fresh pair of batting gloves was the biggest insult to the Windians.

Can't wait for Sabina Park. The last 8 test matches played on that ground have produced results. Six of which were won by the West Indians. Is it going to be Lucky Number 7 for Brian Lara or is Dravid going to do what Ajit Wadekar did 34 years ago? Only time will tell.

Watch this space

De Riguer

The Roebuck stops here.

2006-06-24T07:04:00.000-07:00

Having nothing to do this lazy Saturday I decided to tune into those channels that air lots of sex, titalation and violence.

No not HBO or Sun Tv, I was watching the News. CNN-IBN. NDTV. Headlines Today. All these channels have 'cricket experts' who are ex-players (and in the case of NDTv that has Jadeja on, an ex-game-thrower) that put on nice clothes and air their views on National Tele. NDtv has Sidhu and Jadeja, Headlines Today has Saba Karim. CNN-IBN who has imaginative shows like LOC (Love of cricket, Lagaan of Cricket, Love of Calypso) that changes its name according to the team India's playing against. I also spotted the rather portly figure of Ashok Malhorta on one channel (who's logo I didn't see as I was too much in a hurry to get rid of the image on my screen).

My favourite is Sidhu-ji. He is Punjab's most famous expert (after Pongy, who lives on MrFunnyMan's blog). I tuned into NDTv because I saw Sidhu in mid-rant. Anyone who knows Sidhu, knows that a mid-rant Sidhu is normally good fun and that the only thing that can shut him up is a Luminous Inverter. I wondered what piqued his ire this time and had to wait all of two seconds to hear the words 'Peter Roebuck'.

All those of you who know Peter Roebuck know him as a first-class-cricketer-turned-columnist. Apparently he was good enough to play for England but those thieving cads (not bastards, we're white) at the ECB never thought so. Which is why, perhaps, he turned columnist.

The good Roebuck in his latest column suggested that Sachin Tendulkar made a 'mistake' of turning up to play for Lashings. For those not in the know, Lashings is a bunch of ex-test cricketers who play for charity. (http://www.lashings.com/ . Sachin turned out for them yesterday and smacked a 91 ball 100 (155 in total) and said he was easing back into cricket in a 'no pressure, relaxed environment'. Good for him, one would imagine. Mr.Roebuck in his peice insists that Sachin was better off having a net in Mumbai instead of coming and playing a club match Vs Cambridge, playing along with other team mates such as Richie Richardson, Courtney Walsh, Aravinda de Silva, Chris Cairns, Tatenda Taibu and England’s Ashes winning femae Captain Clare Connor.

I have searched high and low for the said column and have not been able to find it. Has Mr. Roebuck taken it off the internet as he knows he's put his feet (with pads on) in his mouth? I share the same sentiments of Sidhu-Sahib and Jadeja who said Peter Roebuck knows as much of cricket in India as he does cricket in Togo. If Sachin had indeed stayed back and had a net in Mumbai, he would have been in a raincoat, using his umbrella as a bat.

I fail to see the logic of a first class crickert such as Roebuck who has played 335 first class matches and 298 one day county matches from 1974 to 1991, who thinks that having a bat at a net is better than actually being in a match, irrespective of its stature. Batting at nets does not involve a batsman having to concentrate on the ball, run between wickets etc. I fear that Peter Roebuck, despite having scored 17,558 first class runs at an average of 37.27, was never picked for England because he would have wanted to bat at the nets instead.

What a whiner.

Also, at this juncture, the rain effected 3rd Test is as interesting as watching a Peter Roebuck innings. The only items of interest for me on Day 2 was Ramnaresh Sarwan showing Munaf Patel what the big league was all about. Sheer brilliance.

Shall be back later !

Funniest Cricket Posts ever!

2006-06-20T00:56:00.000-07:00

For all those who haven't read this gem by Sidin ( http://sidin.blogspot.com ) here's possibly the funniest thing I ever read about the game of cricket.

http://sidin.blogspot.com/2006_02_01_sidin_archive.html

I never thought that would get bettered and recently came across this site, http://ahnooie.blogspot.com/ , please read a post called 'Cricket Basics for Housewives'. My tummy still aches from the laughs.

Enjoy,

Da Riggs

PS. I have know idea where Bartman's disappeared off to. Trust her to be like all the other women I know, start something with a kindly man (such as I) and then dispeer, leavin me holdin the bloggybaby)

God and The Great Escape!

2006-06-16T13:44:00.000-07:00

When I was younger I watched Charles Bronson and associates (a veritable Hollywood's Who's Who - Steve McQueen, James Garner, ol' Dicky Attenborough, James Coburn etc), all prisoners of war, dig themselves a nice ol' tunnel and escape from Za Jhuhmans. This film 'The Great Escape' came out in 1963 and is said to be a Hollywood Classic War Film.

So much for Hollywood.

43 years hence I watched the same theme played out on a slightly wet and damp cricket ground in the Carib. The St. Lucia test was absorbing, considering that from the very first over of the game, it was team India all the way.

Viru Sehwag, sporting a Yul Bryner hair-don't, took the game away from the Windians within the first few minutes of the Test. A post-lunch 99 only got better after his obvious hearty meal and he went for a 190 ball 180. My main man, the Skipper, the one and only, his Gritty Wall-liness Dravid-ji hung about to score a super-duper 140 odd, his innings cut short by a shot hes's liable to play again only after he retires from test cricket, to a ball that will only be bowled again, after he passes on to the great mid-wicket in the sky. Sarwan, who bowled the said beauty, was last seen sending the video clip of the dismissal to the 'World's Funniest videos'. If two big hundreds were not enough, Kaif decided to get into the act and post his first test hundred, the first of many, one hopes. He is a player who knows his limitations and plays well within himself and it was good to see him get a long bat. The Windian Bashing continued for a bit and India piled up a big almost 600 run total.

The Windian batting commenced and soon did nothing but to emphasise how straight the Indians bowled, Ganga-Lara-Sarwan-Chanderpaul all falling leg-before and the other batsmen all getting small starts and falling to the new Indian Spin Twins, Kumble and Viru Sehwag. Before we knew it, the Windians were batting again and Gayle, edged a little beauty from Pathan to Dhoni behind the stumps. The Windians on the mat and entered God (Refer title of post). Lara came in at One drop and was almost as quickly on his way back, his inner edge from Pathan missing the stumps by the proverbial whisker. The Windians then went on to end the day with no more heart attacks and then, sneakily, hired assorted voodo daddies and rain gods to ensure no play happened on Day4.

Day 5 began with much excitement, Kumble getting rid Ganga with a wrong 'un and Patel compounding Sarwan's misery. Chanders and God then decided to drop anchor and did so, for a good part of the day. India's close in catching left much to be desired, the lads need to learn to dive forwards, not sideways when pickin up catches on spinners, Lara and Chanders both survived, and helped the Windians to another draw. God scored his 32nd Test hundred, which was certainly not one of his best but it helped save the Test and thats what matters.

All in all, a good game, even an hour on Day 4 would have helped the Indians win this one. One cannot find fault in an Indian team playing an away test, piling up 600 runs in double quick time and then almost bowling out the opposition twice in under two and half days. Just hope our run of luck changes for the final test which I'm sure will be a rocker.

Riggy

Of time gone by...

2006-06-14T09:43:00.000-07:00

A mail from a friend prompted this post. I thought it deserved to be up here so that everyone else could have a read. It's over to our cricket loving pal in the 'Gelf', Ravi Menon.

The link with the cricket pictures was interesting, I would however like to point you to a book by Emma Levine. Cricket a kind of a pilgrimage. Wonderful pictures! She has traveled over India Pakistan and Sri Lanka and put together a collection of pics. It even includes some of the place you live in, what was that city again? :P

Afghani kids in Peshawar and the Big Game in Sri Lanka, one of these days I shall scan a few for you. Of course it takes me back to the days I played cricket. We shared pads, one on each foot, played barefoot and footwork was evident when the bowler tried to york you! You jumped in the air both feet off the ground blocking the path and supporting yourself with the bat kinda dug into the ground! The gloves were cotton and about as thin as inners today, with a strip of spiky rubber on the fingers. I am kinda amused when I hear of VVS and RD and ST talk of having two rubbers on the handle, if we felt any rubber through the holes in the gloves that was a new bat!! It usually was more twine and wood when we gripped the bat! Of course taking off for a run and if Dean Jones said "ground that bat" only one bat was available, strategy therefore dictated that the field threw the ball to where the non-striker was headed! But I must scan and send you some of these pics cos trust me its wonderful to see some people play the game like I did.

Just wanted to add my two-paisa!!!

We always, always had only 4 stumps. Three were used at the batting end and the 'runners' end had one stump. Which is why the fielders never changed ends when we played, batsmen did.

We NEVER had any bails. Opposing teams would have called us sissies.

For most of our games we had 'cork' balls, proper cricket balls only made an appearance at 'real' school matches.

We almost never ever played in full whites!

Wicket-keeping gloves were made of plastic and would have caps covering your fingers inside the gloves that would always break into little bits.

The team batting always umpired. Which is why little nicks and LBWs never entered score books. Scorebooks were actually the first notebook you found in your bag.

We also had three fascinating concepts. One :- The world reknowned 'Trial Ball' where the bowler always bowled one to you which you could do anything with and still be there to face the 'real' first ball. Second :- 'Last Man Batting' where when you ran out of partners and were the last man left, you would still bat. And run. Third :- 'One tip one hand' of course was not in the maidan but was used in school a hell of a lot, especially when we played with a tennis ball or a rubber ball. Here, the batsman could be dismissed off a bump ball as long as the catch was taken with one hand.

That was a lovely little 'Arjuna Ranatunga-like stroll down the wicket for a single' walk down memory lane. Thanks a whole bunch Ravi.

More later

Da Riggs

Rain Rain Go Away !

2006-06-14T03:04:00.000-07:00

I sat up all of last night and watched football. On ESPN. I wouldn't have, had Ten Sports not kept showing the WI-Ind ODI highlights throughout. The Windians, on the mat, must have prayed long and hard to the raingods and am sure, paid off all those bad mama voodoo rastas to come along and ensure that absolutely no play took place on the 4th day of the 2nd Test.

Gloomy and Wet, is St Lucia

Gloomy and well, not so wet, is Rahul Dravid

Are the Windians gonna get themselves The Great Escape? Will the rain gods stay away today? Can the Indians bowl 9 Windians out in 3 sessions? Is Dravid's luck never going to change?

All that more, revealed by 3 am IST, Thursday.

Before I sign out, is it just me, or does Dhoni have a bod??? You be the judge.

Da Riggs

NOTE :- ALL PICS SHAMELESSY TAKEN FROM CRICINFO.

Absolutely Brilliant !!

2006-06-13T06:34:00.001-07:00

Chanced upon a cricket blog called The Corridor of Uncertainty - http://www.cricket.mailliw.com and while surfing it came across the most brilliant cricket topic, aptly titled 'Most bizarre and brilliant places to play cricket'. The thread has the most amazing pics which were an eye-opener for me. I had no idea cricket went this far. Many thanks, Will.

The link is
http://www.cricket.mailliw.com/tag/cricket_photos

Go through all the pages.

Enjoy!

Riggy

What's in a name?

2006-06-12T09:32:00.002-07:00

An amusing tidbit, courtesy Tony Cozier commentating during Day 3 of the St Lucia test, resulted in yet another Bartman and Riggs chat.

Enjoy.

Riggs: W.P.U.J.C. Vaas is Chaminda's full name, accordin to Tony Cozier

Bartman: huh what? what does wpujc stand for or do i not want to know?

Riggs: ROTFL Mon check this out … Full name Warnakulasuriya Patabendige Ushantha Joseph Chaminda Vaas, Born January 27, 1974, Mattumagala

Riggs: thats like half the team rite there

Bartman: wtf? why do people hate their kids so much?

Riggs: i think this is the case of lots of peepils hating the kid

Riggs: can u imagine his school book labels?

Bartman: lmao

Bartman: can yu imagine his school life??

Riggs: Warnakulasuriya PRESENT Patabendige PRESENT Ushantha PRESENT Joseph I SAID IM HERE DAMMIT Chaminda HERE HERE HERE Vaas BANG BANG @ roll call

Bartman: rotfl

Bartman: still laughing

Riggs: feckin LTTE in schools, I tell ya hehehehe

More later...

The Riggster.

And then there was One.

2006-06-12T09:29:00.000-07:00

Cricket is a game of glorious uncertainties is what we have grown up listening to and it could not have been more evident on Tuesday when Fidel Edwards and Corey Collymore, the West Indian 10 and 11 kept out 19 balls, any of which having gotten through would have made for a famous Indian win.

For me, the man of the hour was Fidel Edwards. He's done this before in the company of Ridley Jacobs, having blocked 33 balls to deny the Zimbabweans a win in Harare in 2003. At least there he had both his legs and no runner. This time around the setting could not have been more perfect. The last match at the ARG, a ground that has as many records as hurdles in a steeplechase event. The crowd dancing on, irrespective of the possibility of a West Indian loss; the Indians bowling like a team possessed; fielders crowding the bat And 10 and 11 holding on for 19 balls. Stirring stuff. And they say Test cricket is boring.

Kumble bowls Dave Mohammed, 19 balls to go, One wicket, Ten Indians in the same pic

The Indians did themselves proud after a dismal first day of the first test and came back rather strongly. Wasim Jaffer was brilliant, his double ton makin sure he looked as good if not better than VVS while driving through the covers. I think the Indian’s have finally found a consistent opening bat. Dravid, Kaif and Yuvraj played neat little knocks and then the Windians, sadly, ran into Hurricane Dhoni. Dhoni was spectacular in his brutality. For those here who have seen The Patriot, Dhoni did to the Windians what Mel Gibson did to the redcoats who captured his son. Mayhem. Massacre. And what a joy to behold. Two successive Windmill Sixes. Six Sixes in all. I almost choked on my Pepsi TV, bada bubbly channel hai.

BOOM BOOM DHONI

All this was followed by the most petulant act I have ever seen since my 8 year old nephew decided to bawl his guts out at the supermarket for not getting his ice-cream! If I had been the match referee I would have knelt Sir Brian over my knees, fetched his bat and proceeded to spank his bottom in the manner than would have made my nanny proud. Just a bad day for the umpires, having to take the Rauf with the smooth.

Day 5 of the test match, interestingly poised at lunch, 3 down with Gayle and Shivnarine looking like they would hold out. And hold out they did till tea. And then got themselves out. All thanks to that street corner in Bangalore, Anil Kumble Circle. 4 to him in the second after 3 in the first, he just goes on and on. Viru more than made up for his shenanigans with this bat by prising out Bravo and Ramdin, losing 20% of his match fees in the process.

And then followed the most gripping hour of cricket I have seen in a long long time. Vive La Test Cricket!

Can't wait for Test 2...

Riggs

Chuckles, courtesy Cereal Killer

2006-06-04T13:37:00.000-07:00

Did you hear about the daschund that ran onto the cricket field? The commentators said it HAD to be a fast bowler coz he had 4 short legs and was swinging his balls both ways !

Thanks Ravi, that was a hoot !

An enigma called Laxman

2006-06-04T12:46:00.000-07:00

After having played the greatest innings by an Indian batsman at Eden Gardens Vs The Oz, VVS Laxman got himself the moniker Very Very Special Laxman.

After having slogged a Windian leg-spinner (Dave Mohammed is turning out to be another Monty Panesar, always in the game) from outside the off, high in the air to be caught at mid-on, I think the time has come for him to be now called Very Very Silly Laxman.

Twice now, in the first test against the Windians, VVS has been sent back to the hutch by ordinary bowlers bowling ordinary deliveries. 29 in the first innings (caught behind playing a rather extravagant drive) , 31 in the second (caught, as described in the above para) , I would think he needs dropping for the second test, purely on disciplinary grounds, he doesn't value his wicket anymore.

Time to pull up those Hyderabadi socks, methinks!

Riggs

Of Gravy and all things non-alcoholic.

2006-06-02T22:12:00.000-07:00

Gravy in the middle.

Anyone who's been watching cricket being played in the West Indies will know who Gravy is. For those who don't, here's something Rahul Bhattacharya wrote about him.

Gravy is a performer. He cross-dresses and dances and writhes and swings from the rafters and puts on a show that you will not ever forget. For twelve years he kept doing it. In many ways, he was the face of the Antigua Recreation Ground more than Viv Richards or Curtly Ambrose.

It's easy to stereotype Gravy. A chap slightly off his rocker, a blazing extrovert, an attention seeker, and a man with no worries. Actually, he is soft, sober, sentimental.

The rest of this article can be read here - http://in.rediff.com/cricket/2002/may/13rahul.htm

Anyways, getting back to Gravy, anyone who watched India play out yet another familiar away series first test, first day of cricket, would have chanced upon Gravy doing a headstand and dancing like one of those early 80's breakdancers.

I cannot recall an Indian batting display like yesterday, so many batsman gettin caught either by the keeper or slips, tempting Jeremy Coney to day India had been Edged out! The cricket was sad especially since all the top order batsmen save Jaffer got runs. Sehwag (36), VVS (29), Dravid (49), Yuvie (23), Dhoni (19) and Kaif (13). Thank god for the batting heroics of Jumbo Kumble and Breakdancer Santh, their 47 run stand havin put us over 200.

Having sounded suspiciously like Manjrekar, lets get to why this blog is being written. While the Indian batsmen put up another forgetable display, what kept me glued to the telly were the Windian supporters. Having followed cricket being played in the Windies for years now, I can assure you, watching the spectators between overs and during drinks, swaying to the music, one would be forgiven for thinking one was watching an outdoor episode of Mtv Grind. The Windies have it all (spectator-wise). Skinny women, Fat women, Fit women, Stacked women, Hot women, Gorgeous women, Not so gorgeous women etc etc etc. And yes, men too. All having a good time. It's like a party out there. Grounds have sound stacks all over, DJ pump nout good old reggae music all day, fans dancing, rum flowing, BBQ grill sizzling, beer flowing and yes, between all this, Test Match happening.

Then the ICC makes an announcement. No Alcohol at World Cup Games. Smart. Take away the booze, so no one will dance, no one will grind, no one will do crazy things like Gravy and certainly No one is gonna be interested when the camera pans the grounds. This is the West Indies. No herds will leap up for the camera makin retard faces so that mum back home squeals with delight, seeing Munna on Tv. This is not Oz and SA so there won't be any smart placards for us to chortle over. Those bastards wot sit up and head the ICC are going to take the West Indies and turn it into the Members Stand at Lords, where geriatric gents, dressed in 3 peice suits at a cricket match (????), sip on their gelusil and talk about Sir Don, cause they watched him play.

PATHETIC.

I hope better sense prevails and the powers that be leave the Islands alone. Why take the flavour out of a country just because you decide to give them a world cup to host? Damn White Skins. Taking the fun out of everything.

More on this space.

The Riggster

As an Andhra native, I PROTESTant.

2006-06-02T03:36:00.000-07:00

Ladies, Gents and Internet Peepils of all ages, I must apologise profusely for this No Ball of a NON-CRICKET Blog and pray that the Good Lord Beamer me up if I ever do something like this again. I'm sorry, O readers of Sticky-Wicket, I am as furious as Akhtar who's had a clear caught behind given not out by Steve 'Halleleujah I Can See Without a TV Replay' Bucknor. Howzzat, you may ask and I don't blame you. I can't beleive that those sons of Pitches actually went and banned the Da Vinci Code in AP as well.

Us Andhra Agassis (oops, wrong sport, scuzi) now join denizens of other such states as Tamil Nadu, Punjab, Assam and Goa (I hear) who will not be able to straight drive to the closest Cinema Ghar and watch Sri Hanks gaaru and Company enact the quite riveting story laid out by Dan Brown-ji.

Movie reviews the world over say the movie sucks possibly as much as Yuvraj Singh bein done in by a googly bowled by Dave Mohammed but thats not the point. I don't care if the movie is as exciting as a Kenya Vs Bangladesh test match being played out on a belter at Faislabad. That just doesn't matter. What really gets my goat more than Inzy refusing to get out while all others around him crumble is some daft politician who knows as much of Christianity and Dan Brown as he knows of cricket decides that a consenting adult such as I will NOT be allowed to see the movie in a theatre.

Let me see, I'm way over the age that people tell me what I should do. I can drink. I can drive. I can marry. I can divorce. I can have sex. I can abstain from sex, citing age. I can pretty damn well do anything I please as long as I'm not breaking the law. I can even VOTE that daft son of a pitch into a position of power, which, alas, is like Sourav Ganguly being adamant that Greg Chappel should be made coach. I realise now, Maharaj and I have both been shafted.

I wonder if the other states in this 'democratic' country will follow suit. Maybe Good Ball Sahib Thackeray will let it run in Mumbai and Jr Gowda Shot will let it run in Bangalore. Or maybe there's a theatre in the Andamans that will screen the movie. This also raises another question to my rather irate mind. What the heck do we have a censor board for? It's obvious they passed the movie. Sharmila-jee, are you listening?

I shall end my rant now. This is complete bollocks. I want to to see Da Vinci Code and I want to watch it in a theatre. I don't want to watch a bootleg DVD. I am still annoyed.

Jesus Christ, this is insane!

I protest.

De Rigeur.

So why don't they have a Dravid gag?

2006-05-27T10:33:00.000-07:00

So I was watching Vikram Sathaye doing his very famous thing on Riggs' recommendation. And as Providence would have it, at the exact moment that Mr Sathaye very graciously stuck out his Ganguly ass (pardon the tastelessness) at his very large audience of cricket-type and not-so-cricket-type folks, Mr Dravid struck out with a grace in equal measure. Riggs tells me there is a fairly large crop of stand up comics that specialize in cricket and cricketers these days. It's only natural I suppose, given the sheer size of the subcontinental market. Maggi has managed to sell ridiculously bad instant noodles (tastemaker included) for decades now.2 minutes to make, and 2 days to get over. Anything sells around here. Well, anyway, I was wondering why none of these guys seem to have a Dravid gag. Obviously, there is potential there. Or, wait, maybe I'm wrong. Maybe the magnitude of this man's dreariness leaves no scope for humor. Maybe Captain Bumble's lack of imagination is so tragic, that it's ignoble to make it the subject of an evening's gig. As Brian Lara sent our boys on a leather hunt around his home ground, and Mr Consistent stared ahead in a stony, unnerved silence, it occurred to me that despite the hilarity that the cynical amongst us may associate with a subcontinental team being led by a Mills & Boon protagonist, there is absolutely nothing here to stand up and laugh about.

Bart

Ind 1 - WI 2, and here's something to still smile about!

2006-05-26T01:09:00.000-07:00

Here we are, India trailing the Windians by one game, not a scenario that was thought about before this tour started. But then, I'm not sure we figured about Sarwan and his heroics. Amazing batting to say the least. Anyhoo, this is not exactly a cricket blog about the India Windia tour, but something that made me laugh!

Have a dekho....

http://media.putfile.com/CricketComedy

Da Riggs

17 till I die

2006-05-24T08:07:00.000-07:00

Right. So I haven't really had the time to gloat. But for all practical purposes, imagine that I'm a Simpson kid right now. And I'm saying 'I told you so' in a Duff slur. Unfortunately, since this hypothetical line of thought makes me a Simpson kid, I cannot logically say the same thing in three different languages( Lisa probably doesn't opine about cricket). Don't get me wrong, I think it's tragic we've messed up the last two games. Clearly, on paper, our lads are far more talented. And Mr Humble-Bumble's team is a far more well-knit set of kids, accent on kids. But there is such a thing as rubber band luck, if you will ( original phrase coined by Bart the Magnificent, 20:40 hours, 24th May, 2006). And Mr Bumble's elastic was bound to snap. Let's face it - the complete lack of imagination is NOT a good thing. Not on this continent or any another. And not even if some of us call it consistency.

But it has to be said, some of the lads have shown great character. Yuvraj is really coming into his own, even owning resposibility for the ODI 2 disaster, and Kaif and Sehwag are finding their flair once more. The quickies are doing rather well, given the completely new conditions. And before I forget, Powar's fielding brings back images of the unlikely agility of one Mr Ranatunga. All of these bright spots are of course characteristically eclipsed by yet another inexplicable mid-series Selection announcement. And not enough can be said of the media fiasco about Tendulkar's contentious availabilty for the same. But that's a whole other story.

Anyhoo, let's hope the guys find their way back to their winning ways, their Captain notwithstanding. And also, a special prayer for Riggs who's taking all this very badly. As for his hero, Bryan Adams has managed to leverage the number 18 for like a 180 years, rest assured that 17 will be atleast half as useful.

Bart

17 / Seventeen / Dix-sept / Siebzehn / Diecisiete (and Doubting Tamilians)

2006-05-19T00:30:00.000-07:00

For those of you who misunderstand this for a United Nations Number Game, Nyet Mates, fear not, kiss your worries aufweidersehen and au revoir, Mi Bambinos! 17, actually, was the average age of American GI's in Vietnam, hows that for useless trivia? Anyhoo, getting back to the point on hand, whats the average age of American GI's doing on a cricket blog??? It's rather simple, darlings, It's Win # 17 While Chasing, Extending That World Record, Thank you very much.

It was a Thursday night. Thursday in Nizamville means its Karaoke @ 10 Downing Street, (The PUB, not the Blair summer home). I had no idea there was a match on. Woe is me. I didn't get to watch a single ball being bowled. Alas.

BUT, Hurrah Highlights ... the Indian win was set-up by a conniving (apparently), too good to be true (apparently), Bastard (hell NO) gent called Rahul Dravid. The man Bartman loves to hate, but more on that later.

The match appears to have been a runfest as usual. Our fine opening attack of Messrs Pathan and Patel were done in by Gayle force winds, notching up 100 runs in their 20 overs before Harbhajan Singh and sanity returned. 251 must have appeared to be a fighting total, if not a match winning one.

The Indian scorecard shows us that Sehwag should have responded faster to the second run that ran him out, Pathan should have batted lower and Yuvie while being the second best left hander on the ground needs to learn the values of patience ! Heartening news for Mohd Kaif fans as he got back among the runs and hung around there till the finish.

The Windian crowd (easier to say than 'West Indians') also had their first taste of Dhoni, 18 off 11, 2 x 4, 6 x 1. Needless to say, those figures will improve drastically as long as he gets to bat a little higher! I am told the next match is on Saturday night. What fun. Saturday Night, Under Deck (watering hole for the uninitiated), Big Screen, Filipina Band, Assorted Pretty Women, Carib Cricket.... Could one ask for more?

OH YES. Another RD 100. Who tha man????

I know I'm forgetting something here! Aah yes, our heading also mentions our southern doubting thomas iyers, another Riggs and Bart cutpase, if you will :-

Bartman: Mort!!

Riggs : Bart!!!!!!!!!

Bartman: what's up mon?

Riggs: nuffink, awoke a lil while ago

Bartman: ah

Riggs: twas a splendid saturday nite, as yu can prolly tell

Bartman: heh, me too actually

Bartman: Splendid

Bartman: lol..this morning, my dad notices that as long as the Injuns were in India, Dravid was referring to the team as "the boys" and now, he's calling them "the kids"

Riggs: heh @ RD ... i havent been followin the news actually last cuppla days .... but i did see a pic of him in team blazer and all bein interviewd by windies media .... my only question is ... who the feck wears a suit in the windies ? :o

Bartman: lol, other than sir naipaul, shreeshanth and dravid

Bartman: of cos shreeshanth has to wear a suit to avoid looking like a shetty hitman from Thane

Riggs: hehehehehehehe

Riggs: wots with that hair?

Bartman: Guruvayur

Riggs: heh

Riggs: he looks like a bit of a camel when he's on the move, that boy, legs upto his chest and all

Bartman: i was there some time ago, the locals were whispering abt how the Gods of Guruvayur had granted him his wish of gettin into the Indian team

Bartman: heh@camel

Riggs: yeah ? Mebbe i shud visit Gurvayur too. Tell the gods i appreciate them givin me a waist like a cricketer (Powar) and then request if it cud be exchanged for .. hmm .. lets say .. Matty Hayden's bod?

Bartman: crazy place that @ Guruvayur, crowded as hell and they have a board right outside the sanctum that says "Non-Hindus strictly not allowed.

Bartman: Preposterous

Riggs: so no Pathan and Zaheer and Kaif @ Gurvayur, wot?

Bartman: hehehe..yea, and i read that Matt Hayden has adopted Kochi as his second home, so the Gods will prolly know his body well

Riggs: BTW ... my pal Sunder was here yesterday, had the gall to tell me that a 'BLOG' meant that it did NOT have 'cut-paste' convos and that they needed to updated more regularly. If i warnt in an AC cab with him and if it warnt 40 degrees outside, i wuda stopped the cab and thrown him out.

Bartman: well, Sunder can be told politely that it isnt his Blog. and we'll bloody well so whatever we want with it.

Riggs: of cos, yu will forgive him when i tell yu that he 'thinks' Dravid is a rehearsed man. Everything that he says is rehearsed. For eg ' So Rahul, they hit yu for 350 in a day, tough day in the field eh?' RD :- *smiling* 'oh well it was a tough time but we all have tough days and let me tell yu if yu try putting a 3 month old baby to sleep yu'll know wot a tough day is'

Bartman: besides, our convos are far more readable than some random ramblings on most 'BLOGS' abt what someone wanted to do, almost did and didnt quite do last saturday

Riggs: Oh well .... my reply wasnt so verbose. And it wasnt as rude as your response.

Bartman: lol, yes, i like Sunder

Riggs: I said ' kiss my ass yu tam &%$%#&% and ' do yu want a please with your fuck off?'

Bartman: he's rehearsed because he has no original thots mon

Riggs: oh shut up. I'm not gettin into an arguement wit yu on a day yu have reports tocomplete and i have pork to prepare, but all I'm sayin is the last time we won a series in the West Indies, i was just born, sunil gavaskar just debuted, ajit wadekar was skipper. And now RD is going to get us another one back.

Riggs: (in a time and an age where my waist size is greater than my age)

Bartman: it's going to be an amusing series mon, i ll tell yu that

Riggs: oh yes it is

Bartman: and what's all this nonsense abt your waist size, what happened to your strict diet?

Riggs: i always like watchin cricket in the carib ... there's more action in the stands than on the field. Hurrah WorldTel

Riggs: I've been very strict with my diet. So strict that i'm not lettin it make an appearance. I like tellin peeps im on a C-Food Diet. I eat wot i see. eh?

Bartman: lol

The updates will be more frequent now, considerin we have games on. More later boys and gurls !

The Riggster

Anchor's Aweigh!

2006-05-11T10:49:00.000-07:00

Well now, we've all been laying low awhile now. But a few hours from now, the Grand Indian Circus Company (albeit dressed like a Cricket Team) will set sail, across the vast ocean, and into the islands of good hope, cheery folks and terribly weird-looking musical instruments. Here's kickin' off our very own day-to-day coverage of the grand tour then. This is just the teaser though, to get Riggstah to smile for reasons that don't involve playing house, Travel & Living Style. Like they say in Trinidad ( and I know this more by way of Sir Naipaul than any actual study of Carribean culture), see ya'll in a bit mon.

Bart

Good Yeeveneeng Doorleengs !

2006-04-24T06:58:00.000-07:00

Couldn't resist! It's not cricket, I know, I know. But once you have a look you'll know why this appears on this blog.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-PFURM9eA_Q&search=rajkumar

Yenjoy! And eef I see you toomarrow, eet will be too late.

Calypso Trippin' and Chinese Luck

2006-04-22T10:35:00.000-07:00

It's a diverse world we happen to live in. It is inhabited, almost always unabashedly, by a variety of creatures, great, small and spiteful. Now, a surprisingly high percentage of human beings tend to believe we are evolving with the passage of time. It is usually a subset of this same population that also believes that good times last forever. And unfortunately for those of us who are labeled disbelievers, these good times usually bring with them fanatical name calling activities and other nonsensical tirade indulgences,apart from, needless to say, a remarkable 50 percent winning rate in a pivotal 2 Match Series. (Riggs, feel free to refer www.evolutionisdead.com) It is this writer's pragmatic stand that Captain Bumble is enjoying what can only be considered an elongated version of a run of dumb luck(albeit the run is generously interspursed with such flashes of good old reality as 100 all out in Test Number 100 and Sehwag willing his gracious self to perform once every 8 matches, just in case Mr More sort of notices he isn't quite in form.)

But speaking of dumb luck, thousands of years ago, a fine young lady daintily held in her hand, a cup of hot tea as she stood under a Mulberry tree in her father's sprawling garden. A silkworm (not that it was called that at the time) cocoon fell right into her tea cup, effectively ruining her evening of leisure. But when she attempted to pick the cocoon out of the cup, the young lady experienced what was the original serendipity - the discovery of silk. Now, Mr Bengaluru is no Chinese beauty, and I imagine he is far more familiar with Mixed Fruit Jam than with Mulberry Bushes, but he does seem to be bestowed with Captaincy at a strangely convenient time:

First, there is a coach under close scrutiny, far more likely to be held culpable for serious mistakes than the Captain himself.
Second, he succeeds an unfortunate cricketer, who became as much a victim of his connections as of the sheer thanklessness of his job. Ganguly's style of captaincy has now almost completely vanished from public memory, leaving a vacuum that would eagerly deify the daftest of replacements (Case in point: Riggs' appetite for outstanding humility in on-camera life)
Third, the Brits for some inexplicable reason, agree to spend the Indian Summer parading around the hottest cities of the subcontinent with a half-strength team.
And now, he heads to the Carribeans to face a team in- to use what is now a much abused phrase- absolute diasarray. While half the players are fighting over contracts, the same half is also contending for Captaincy-- The other half, no one's ever heard of.

Speaking of the islands but no longer about serendipity of any sort, Jimi Hendrix might have been on LSD, but our pal Riggs apparently suffers in a multi-colored haze of his own smugness. But let the Calypso spirit engulf our cynicism. Perhaps the sun and the sand will witness a fortuitious stretch of the rubber band that is now the best metaphor for RD's dream run. But then again, it was in the West Indies not many summers ago that a certain Indian demi-god called Sachin Tendulkar fumbled his way out of his good-as-new captaincy, innit? Brings us to semi-original serendipity that is Indian Cricket. We are quick to identify our Heroes and even quicker to bury them in our all-encompassing desires for the good times to last. If I were a creature named Riggs, I wouldn't be counting on the Steak House Trip. Unless I were paying, of course.

Bart

everywhere you go, always take the Wager with you !

2006-04-22T00:57:00.000-07:00

It was just another lazy Saturday morning. The Riggster was downloading music off Limewire like it was going out of style ( Michael Buble, his new flavour of the season, IF you like old jazz music), when lo and behold, arrived Bartman. A few MP3 file transfers later conversation drifted to the age old Dravid VS Ganguly debate. Fiesty convo, at the end of which was laid a fine wager.

Ladies and Gentlmen, Boys and Girls, Children of all ages, Once again, for your reading pleasure, we bring to you the Chronicles of Bartman and Riggs.

Enjoy !!

Riggs: Go away, filthy disbleever

Bartman: and we're abt to get on another stupid tour

Riggs: and stop readin trash @ Graham Gooch

Bartman: with a team in complete disarray

Riggs: WI tours is always fun

Riggs: where disarray?

Riggs: only disarray is Bhajji's packing methinks.

Bartman: 'Lara is one of 8 contenders for Captain.'

Riggs: oh THEIR disarray

Bartman: yeah

Riggs: i forgot to mention Gillespie on the blog mon, mebbe i do one for him. he my fav Oz cricketer since Waugh wented

Bartman: i know! awesome stuff!

Bartman: greek god oz

Riggs: how the feck do someone as strokeless as him get to 200? In under a year ?

Bartman: lol

Bartman: Dravid's just running on dumb luck mon

Bartman: that's what it is

* Note how the evil Bartman jumps from Dizzy Gillespie to RD in a flash.*

Riggs: is why i called yu a filthy disbleever

Bartman: yu know why people like Narayan Murthy more than Azim Premji?

Riggs: ummm .... i have no idea @ Premji

Bartman: because every Indian is in love with the idea of Money and Power. But it's a guilty pleasure from precondition. So it's nobler to have money when you look like you intend to give it away. It's nobler to have power when you are always willing to sacrifice it. It's nobler to be in position if it humbles you.

Riggs: its nobler to stop spreadin malicious propoganda just coz yu like bongs.

Bartman: Nobody in old Bangalore mentions Mr Murthy's multiple properties abroad. But they rave about how he still retains his old dilapidated house in Jayanagar

Bartman: lol..ok..ok..

Bartman: all Im saying is Ganguly's attitude was swallowed with much distaste. As long as he was winning, it was fine. But with Dravid, he's winning and he's humble and gentle..the splitting image of the mythological Indian hero. Victorious but Humble.

Bartman: It dont matter if he's a conniving bastard, as long as he is Humble on camera.

Riggs: I bet yer the kind of kid who was VERY upset to find out that the tooth fairy was really yer momma and that santa was really yer daddy, EH?

Bartman: lol..actually, i had no doubt the tooth fairy was make-believe

Riggs: LIAR @ tooth fairy ... i KNOW yu cried for days. AND yer sweet nanny (who was BONG) comforted yu. HENCE. Now we know.

Bartman: and santa, well, that was the fat classmate who played him every Christmas @ Nativity Scene Drama in School

Bartman: lol

Riggs: i see yu HAVENT refuted the Bong nanny yet!

Bartman: actually i had a Tamil Nanny

Riggs: who spoke Bong?

Riggs: who liked Arun Lal? and Biswojeet? and Victoria Memorial?

Riggs: come on, OUT WITH IT.

Bartman: who sort of threw my dinner plate up in the air and ran to prostate in front of the television everytime MGR appeared on screen

Riggs: HAAH ... a likely story!

Bartman: and cried for 4 days when he died and attempted suicide

Bartman: which was when my Mom asked her to kindly stay away from me

Bartman: no, seriously

Riggs: heh

Riggs: what was her name?

Bartman: Shivagami

Riggs: Shivagami Bose? Shivagami Ganguly? Shivagami Chatterji ? Shivagami Banerji ?

Bartman: lmao

Riggs: AHAAA the truth unfolds

Bartman: listen mon Mort

Riggs: when caught, always hide behind an LMAO.

Bartman: this very day of April 22 2006

Bartman: I make a wager

Bartman: would you say Dravid will have a dignified exit from Captaincy?

Riggs: I will indeed.

Riggs: Yer on.

Riggs: He will exit the game like Waugh and Naz and AB .... as a legend. Wait and watch. Filthy Behala Disbleever.

Bartman: I say, the same script will unfurl. It is possible however that in keeping with his Martyr Act, he will quit when the heat gets to him. But I bet he will not have some Waugh-like exit.

Riggs: STEVE, i might add, not whiney loser Mark.

Riggs: heh.... yu and i have a bet then, wot?

Bartman: Yes, I believe we do.

Bartman: It's not him mon, it's the constitution of Indian Cricket.

Riggs: heh .... i shall remind yu of this, some years down the line. What's the bet anyhoo?

Bartman: heh, you set the stakes

Riggs: I'll set the Steaks.

Riggs: Dinner it is!

Riggs: swankiest place in town whenever RD retires.

Bartman: hehe..Ok

Bartman: you will indeed be buying. because he ll quit in righteous indignation.

Riggs: and the winner gets to say HAAH TOLD YU SO as long as they like and smirk and gloat and do all the assorted actions associated with winning ... like sayin nya nya nya nya !

Bartman: lolol...you're on.

Watch this space. I just know, one day in the future, I'm going to be treated to a really nice dinner. In fact, as soon as RD's retirement is in the offing, I am going to stop eating. Just so I can really tuck into that steak. That Bart's buying.

Yummy.

The Riggster.

I hate to say ' I told you so', but heck, I TOLD YOU SO.

2006-04-21T00:04:00.000-07:00

I realise now why the friendship series was tied 1-1. That damn trophy was just too big for one captain to hold....

This post is written with much glee, I feel like the grinch and some say,look like him too.I wonder why there hasn't been as much as a peep from Bartman. Indigestion methinks, I was told eating crow does that to one.

A few posts ago I said Indian Cricket was alive, well and kicking ass. Two matches in the dessert is proof of that. The tired boys in blue lost the first one for sure, but pulled the Pakis to the last over, not exactly a bad way to lose, but come the next day, it looked like the team had done one of those ad thingies.

They woke in the morning, brushed their teeth with Anchor (vegetable) toothpaste, The Skipper leading the way, smiling, which I think accounts for all those grins during the match. Sehwag was spectacular, his feet were moving, his shots had the ball disappearing to all corners of the ground. Life is so much better after you rub yourself down with Moov, which I'm sure is wot ol' Veeru did (after he had himself some Sehwag ki maa ka khaana and some Boost, Sirji). Dhoni was on song, his hair now black, thus making sure his complexion which is nurtured every morning by Mysore Sandal Soap glowed more than His Highness the Earl of Chapel. Yuvraj had one spectacular over where he smote 4,4,4,4 and 6 and looked damned good while doing it too, thanks to his Parachute After Shower Hair Creme. Having got the runs on the board, it was time the bowlers did their thing and boy, wasn't Pathan glad he shaved with his trusty Gillette razor in the morning, he was back on song getting rid of Farhat first and then Afridi with a complete ripper! Years of diving for that elusive Pepsi came good, Yuvie taking a blinder to get rid of Malik. Powar shone with the ball (Vandana Luthra Weight Loss Clinics HAVE to be making a beeline for him) and young Venugopal Rao took one of the coolest deep field catches I have seen in a long time.

Inzy stood tall like the Leaning Tower of Pisa, one was never sure of a victory as long as he was around and when he was done in by Captain Courageous, a quick run in, swoop down on the ball , run in some more, break wickets, raise hand in triumph and break cricket's 50 meter dash record, all in the space of 6 seconds brought a smile to my face. And a thought. Uh oh, Bart's gonna be furious. It was the Skipp!

Bart was quick to ask me if I had heard what Graham Gooch said about Captain Courageous. Gooch said 'Dravid needs to sound more honest' ..... back up a second ... HONEST ? This coming from a man who doesn't even have his own hair on is head?

HAAH! Complete Cobbles,I tell you.

That done, we now await Riggs and Bartman, Calypso styla. Will be fun, cricket in the Carib. The Indian team has just been announced for the tour and am glad that Kaif retains his place. But that's for another blog, wot?

More later!

The Riggster

Coming Soon to a Blog Near You!

2006-04-18T10:37:00.000-07:00

It's 23:06 IST. We're not only ahead of Abu Dhabi on time, we're also way ahead on the doomsday feelings. Watch out in the very near future for the following largely redundant, but intensely pontificational pieces on the ongoing desert disaster:

1) Mort on the Foot in the Mouth Disease that plagues grown Indian Fans that behave like over-sized Dinosaur-obsessed adoloscents.**

2) Bartman on 26 different ways one can say 'I told you so.'

3) Bartman on how Amar Singh is trying to move sky and desert to build a delusional third front against the indefagitable Mrs G.

4) **Mort on how he is SO not Clifford ( refer IMDB's article on Martin Short) and Rahul Dravid is SO not a dinosaur.

For all this and more, do come back!

Bart

1st ODI - Abu Dhabi - India 198 all out. Will we win?

2006-04-18T08:06:00.000-07:00

Righto, here we are again, just when we thought we wouldn't see it again, we're playin our cousins in the dessert. And hey, the script hasn't changed in 6 years, they're getting the better of us! Again. Damn Miandad and his six. Damn the dessert. Damn us cricket fans. Even those who've never held a bat in their lives.

I'm online and chatting with a bunch of pals at this moment. Some of whom are already writing the game off. Damned pessimists! Here's what some of them had to say as the match progressed ...

Riggs: and we jes lost 4th wikket
merma : awww
merma : we batting first?
Riggs : yep
merma : score?
Riggs : 72/4
merma : yikes
merma : terrible
Riggs : now Dhoni come and do a Superman and earn Reebok their monies
merma : he better, what with raina?

My pal then logged off without listening to what I thought about Raina ! Another depressed pal wot lives in Dubai got online and the woes just wouldn't stop. Here's what I mean ....

Ish: hey
Riggs: Hello yu
Riggs: bit shameless, damn indians
Ish: so cant believe that i got off work to see this idiotic match!!
Ish: and now i have sick paki on the fone - my frend - aamir - who be watching in AUH and be all excited
Ish: I'm sending reiki that all pakis get out in first 20 overs with less than a 100 runs...
Riggs: tell him we still gots bowl and yu be callin him back when pathan gets goin
Ish: just told him so..
Ish: he hung up !!

And then later ...

Riggs: ok i hope we get to 200
Ish: yea we will
Ish: crawl there - but we will
Riggs: dont look likely now
Ish: LOL @ my frend Gautam - who's watching match - he sent msg to say he not coming back to dubai for a week coz he has Paki neighbours!!
Riggs: lolol
Riggs: i dunno why everyone trippin
Riggs: they still gots bat
Ish: yeah they be quite rowdy here when there is a match
Riggs: we gonna win
Riggs: wait and see
Ish: shit (Thats when we lost another wicket)
Riggs: bah
Ish: forgot
Ish: 1 ball - think it cud be a 6??
Riggs: heheheheheehe
Riggs: mad c***s (thats the last run-out)
Ish: guess not
Ish: I'm depressed
Riggs: iddyet
Riggs: we gonna win
Ish: yellow n green tarts!!
Riggs: In fact i so know we gonna win that me gonna proclaim it so on da blog

And here we are, boy and girls and children of all ages, we're at halftime.

What's it gonna be in a couple of hours ?

Will Bartman's predictions of a flash in the pan series win against the Poms which will not translate into much come true? Is the Indian Cricket Fan gonna get shafted ... AGAIN ???

Or will Riggs, the eternal optimist, carrier of the Boys In Blue On Blog and firm believer that Indian Cricket is alive, well and kicking butt be vindicated.

Only time will tell.

And while you're still here, our brilliant commentators left us with some gems that simply MUST be mentioned..

1. He's done very well in his short span of career - Rameez on Suresh Raina

2. that is why he was magnificiently successful - Rameez on a Suresh Raina straight drive that went for 4

3. He's taken a bottle of sleeping pills - Sidhu on Rahul Dravid's runout

4. Next to diamonds and pearls, judgement is the real thing - Sidhu on Pathan's run-out

5. Pandemonium has not reigned, it has poured on Indian cricket - Sidhu on Sreesanth's runout.

That said ... GAME ON. Check later !

The De-Tour That Was

2006-04-15T11:44:00.000-07:00

We have now reached the conclusion of an eventfully inconsequential tour of the formerly-Imperialist,presently-Bushist Englishmen to the land of receding Snake charmers, emerging haute couture, timeless Chaat Streets and utterly indescribable Boys in Blue. Needless to say, the sojourn has had several entertaining highlights : Freddie taking on his thankless job with all the gumption that well, makes him Freddie, the discovery of Suresh Raina, the Indian team's unforgettable total of 100 in what can only be perceived as a fitting, all-out tribute to Sir Humble Bumble's 100th Test appearance, and of course, that crazed shot that M.S. Dhoni seems to have gained an inexplicable mastery over.

The Indian Side has undoubtedly come out on top, marked by the varying degrees and genres of persistence on display - the persistence of the good form of Yuvraj Singh, the even greater persistence of the poor form of Md Kaif, and the greater than great crab-like persistence of the bug that goes by name of Virendra Sehwag. Also on fine display was the bumbling work in progress called Rahul Dravid. Armed with resources that presented themselves in some highly talented youngsters and the lack of it ( also known in some circles as invaluable experience) as seen in some highly clueless veterans, this man has successfully completed his venture to defeat a visiting side that visibly missed home, half its decent players, motivation and its sense of what it possibly means to play cricket at 43 degrees celcius.

But like the Afghans say, Zendagi Mitzara - Ah, well, Life goes on. Now,the Afghans don't really fancy cricket and the Talibs had them play football in pants to avoid indecent exposure, but they do know a thing or two about life. And in taking their word, I look forward to the upcoming travails of the Great Indian Jaggernaut as it makes its way across the Mediterranean. But before I sign off, here's what's weighing heavily on my sense of right and wrong- what was the greater style statement: was it Captain Bengaluru's black band for Annavaru or Powar's spiderman sun glasses?

Bart

King-doom Come

2006-04-09T03:40:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time, there lived a King. Now there are all sorts of Kings, aren't there? Some that inherit Kingdoms, some that get elected Leaders, some who defeat Evil Incumbents and still others who execute coups to overthrow the Sovereign. Well, this King, most of his people knew what kind he was ( and I say most because there were some neo-converts who just called him kind. Sycophancy is an art of the delusional, no doubt.) Now this King had encountered a lucky streak after a long series of average battle performances. This lucky streak had lasted 4 minor battles and his people had begun to rejoice. Even those that had been doubters had begun to allow themselves some pride at these victories.
The King began to feel complacent. He had after all, kept his word, and brought laurels to his people as he had promised. But he had an image to protect. So he put his PR machinery to work. These spin masters, they knew a thing or two about the gullible masses and the lies they buy into to survive. They quickly spread rumours about the King's spirit of sacrifice and his endless pursuit of perfection for his Army of Knights. The King then took a chill pill and packed his men off to the next battle without him. The minnows were, of course, thrilled to bits at the grand opportunity to prove themselves at war. And the masses, well the masses were dizzy with gumption. An act of such pristine nobility. A deed of pure, unadulterated sacrifice. In such dire times too. Are we even deserving of such grace?
All was well, as they say, in stories about Kings and Battles. Except the ground sort of broke open and the much-awaited battle was held in suspension. Ah well.
As for the masses, they now know more than ever what a grand man they have for King.
Not only did the King possess the qualities of bravery and sacrifice, he also had the vision to foresee the wetness of the outfields in distant lands of battle. And in his infinite wisdom had ensured that his spirit of sacrifice would outlast the moisture in the earth. And in this glorious discovery of the King's greatness, the masses now wait with bated breath for a new battle to unfold. It sure is good to be King.

Bart

For the record, Indeed !

2006-04-06T12:39:00.000-07:00

Hear Ye, Hear Ye, Hear Ye One and All, Especially YOU, Bartman, O ye of little faith!

Indian Cricket is alive. Indian Cricket is alive and well, praise be halleleujah, ever since our Australian Angel St. Chappeli got rid of that spawn of Satan Sourav, praise be sweet Jesus, Glory Be, put your hands together and REJOICE.

For the record, we just broke a world record. 15 continuous wins chasing a total. What's the big deal about that you might ask. I'll tell you. Firstly, they broke a record set by the West Indies between 1984-85 and 1986-87. Most of the lads in the team had just been born. That's how big a deal it is. That's 15 straight innings that our lads have held it together. When you realise that our top order is as fragile as, let us say, my bank balance, it IS a whole big deal.

What makes all this so special is the fact that it's the young guns who made it possible. Freddie & Co came to India and during the tests figured out a way to stop Sri Sehwag from firing. Keep it short, get it to rise at his throat and lo and behold, the Butcher of Najjafgarh is now the Bacha of Najjafgarh. I can so imagine quick bowlers around the world rubbing their hands in glee waiting to test this theory out. This has so dented his confidence that Sri Sehwag is hopping around like a cat on a hot tin roof, getting dismissed this time by a bowler called Blackwell, who at best, is a trundler. Captain Courageous and his trusty sidekick Private Pathan have more than staunched worries up the order, its when they get out, bringing our other batting superstar Kaif-gaaru to the wicket that we realise we're in the middle of a batting collapse.

It's past this that the team has really shown its testicular fortitude by digging in and making sure we win. 15 times now. Yuvraj, in my opinion, the next best left-hander in the world after Brian Lara has been a revelation. Since the first ODI against Pakistan he has walked to the wicket and scored fast, scored elegantly and most importantly, stuck around till the very end on most occasions. Suresh Raina comes in next, immensely talented and quite easily the next superstar. I imagine all the advertising agencies who have just about started counting their crores post a Dhoni sign-up are adding on a couple of more zeroes to their contracts. I shan't even waste time talking about Dhoni's place in this middle order. He not only marches to a different tune, I suspect he marches to his own drummer and on his very own parade ground as well. His flat-bat-swatted six at the Goa ODI is the most incredible shot I have ever seen and I know I've seen a lot of incredible shots. I can't wait to see him bat in Australia against the Aussie quicks. God knows where those mis-hits will land.

That done, this post cannot be complete without a mention of Captain Courageous. Whether it's keeping wickets or walking out to open the innings against Akhtar in a test match in Pakistan as the Blink Blink Bong wouldn't, he's led from the front and has always been THE team man. Bartman smirked at me since the Skip was resting himself for the next 2 ODI's, I told Bart the Skip was being his selfless self again. Taking one for the tream. How else will Sehwag remain in the team eh? You can't possibly drop the Stand-In Skipper, can you?

Three more matches. I just hope the Indian Thunk-Tank (read Kiran More and his band of merry-men) for once realise the magnitude of having to play three matches, lose them all and still win the series. The best chance to give all the youngsters in the team a go. For all 3 games. Imagine what that will do to their confidence. No RD, No Kaif, No Pathan, No Harbhajan .... Yes Robin Uthapa, Yes Venugopal Rao, Yes Munaaf Patel, Yes VRV Singh. Will be such a blast!

That said, Ciao my lovelies. More later.

The Riggster

For the Record

2006-04-05T09:57:00.000-07:00

So apparently, tommorrow, while the sun shines over the great city of Kochi( so I was taken in by this huge bill board on MG Road see, it said Keraland. Apparently, real estate in Kerala is real hot just now and Kochi is a great city. I take it they weren't fibbing. I mean, they had a coconut tree on the ad, how could they be lying, I ask you). Well, anyway, while the sun shines over the great and humid city of Kochi, Captain Lumberjack is all set to challenge Dada's continuous-ODI-wins record. Now the TV-waalas, see, they are sure that the occurrence of the event is beyond contention. In fact, they are so sure that the record will be broken that they already broke the news of the record as Breaking News. In fact, they beamed the same story of near-and-imminent success so many times today, they successfully qualify for what my Grandma's dental hygienist calls a broken record.The news-waalahs that is, not the statistic is question. So, anyway, as I was saying before the dental hygienist broke my flow, as the sun shines over the great, humid and election-torn city of Kochi, Mr Obvious will attempt to garner his new and Chappel-ified resources and beat Freddie's side,breaking a record on the side. And Freddie, well, I reckon he'll concentrate on mending what is broken. Like the English Spirit. Although, if you went by what he did for Dada's spirit in his autobiography, Kochi will have have no more than the re-hashed Communist Manifesto to be entertained by. Meanwhile,mending, it appears is a strangely Western obsession. Frost was besides himself with mending walls, America is besides itself with mending the Arabs, Blair is besides himself mending his Dubya-toxicated ways. But Captain Humble, well, he's on the appropriate side of the Atlantic. Where, if the mill is to be believed, all is well and nothing needs mending. Not even Kiran More. Well, nothing except the data that gets spruced up each election to establish the Literacy Rates in Keraland. Now, now, besides the effin point, I remind myself. As the sun shines over the great, humid, Communist-infested,literate city of Kochi, may the breaking bring splendid amusement to all- the skeptics, the converted, and the clueless. Much like the elections and Robert Frost.

Bart

Such A Fine Balance

2006-04-04T02:19:00.000-07:00

Every Tom, Soumitra and Parusaram Swamy (aka Pete Roebuck) these days rants and raves about the changes that a certain Mr Chappell has brought to the circus that goes by the name of the Indian Cricket Team. Now I'm all for change, I assure you. Like the Rinpoches of Tibetan Buddhism will have us believe, change is the only permanent thing and all that jazz. What is important, however, is that change bring progress. Now, some smart alecs ( like Riggs, to overtly exemplify) will question the 'progress' judgement call. But to these Riggsters, I have this to say: when a new coach comments on the alleged financial constraints of a former captain to an international daily, that's no progess. Not unless you measured progress by proximity to a dunce-like balance. Allow me to dwelve into the moral realm here. Here's a guy who was in the running for coach's position a few years ago, but lost out to John Wright, apparently because of the astronomical fee he quoted. He's in the news next because skipper Sourav Ganguly approaches him in a bid to try and iron out deficiencies in his technique against quick bowlers and the rising ball just before India's tour of Australia. All well. Now in transit, this guy is also on board an academy in Australia that trains gullible young Indian cricketers recommended by you-dont-say Mr Kiran-Kangaroo-Lookalike-More (well, his pout IS large enough to fit a joey,dont you think). Then Mr Gangs ( now, this is one of those not-very-smart-babumoshai things the guy has done, in the same bracket as letting Mr Bengaluru be vice captain) lobbys for him to be coach. So there's all this masala brewing about how Dada always gets his way with the Board. So all well. Then the great African Safari happens.
Now we all know what that was not about. And it wasnt about the team's balance, I tell ya. How do I know? Cause we were playing Zimbabwe. The team could have been on rotting bamboo stilts in a swamp in Cherrapunji and still beaten the descendents of Tikolo. And who, Sir, might have leaked a private email to the Board to the mongoose-like TV media in the desh? Kiran-friggin-More is who. Now add to this all the Sena-types, Gujju-types, Punju-types who never got themselves to accept Dada at the helm of things, those atrociously insipid Board elections and Mr More doing a Dick Cheney, shooting ducks in the closet they call the Selection Committee, and we have now the humble-bumble Bangalore lad, you know, obviously, you know. So we now ensure Kaif never gets around to making any runs, Pathan bowls his heart out on his way to fulfilling the Great Indian Paceman's Two Year Retirement Plan, we're dropping Gautam Gambhir for being in-effin-consistent and retaining Sehwag to carefully avoid any decline in sales at his sweetmeat store in Najjafgarh. Well, obviously, balance is all that matters. You know.

Bart

Napitully Gaendbaazi Dour Walli Chode Se

2006-04-04T00:27:00.000-07:00

Do you remember the time before Mr. Murdoch and his band of merry men descended upon us and changed the way we watched television forever? Do you remember the days before we had Star Sports, ESPN, Ten Sports and the recently added DD Sports? Do you remember the days when the only cricket you got to watch on TV came to you direct from Doordarshan? I do. Ever so clearly.

Many, many years ago, I was a wee tot in school, hooked onto cricket like everyone else around me was. My worst memory of class 8 (besides when the dishy lass who sat beside me cooed about how she HAD a boyfriend) was watching Javed Miandad swat a Chetan Sharma full-toss over mid-wicket to set up Pakistan's most famous win over us Indians. The shot and the ensuing mad dash for the pavilion by Javed and that Lionel Ritchie look-alike Tauseef Ahmed coupled with the words 'It's a six, it's a six, Pakistan are going to win' ..... Stop. Rewind. What the heck was that? Here we have players halfway to the pavillion, runnin with the delight that only victory can bring and we have a commentator who's still a whole 30 seconds behind the rest of the world?

I saw highlights of the same match recently on Ten Sports, a channel that takes great delight in beaming that match, the commentary seemed funny when compared to the trash Arun Lal and L Siva deliver us today that I decided to sit down and think about all the cricket commentary I could remember for the last 20 years.

My first thought goes out to all those dull test matches we played, made even duller by a certain Dr Narottam Puri. I recall during the Reliance World Cup of 1987, the use of many more TV cameras than ever before had Dr Puri not only calling the action on the ground, but also telling us, with orgasmic delight, which camera the view came from... 'As you can see this is the run-out from camera #3 and now we see it from another angle from our camera # 12 and.....' Weird !!!

If the Doc is in the box, can Anupam Gulati be far behind? I still recall the plummy bearded face who always smiled like there was a buffet close by. Other than plain old cricket commentary, Anupam also hosted our other most watched programme ‘World of Sport’ 4:30 pm every Sunday evening. One does not recall anything specific that the good Mr. Gulati said, but yes one remembers that he was not always right.

You know Gautam Bhimani? That irritating chap that goes around town whilst the team battles on to save national pride? Him, with face that only a mother could love? Ah well, his Daddy was in the box too. Kishore Bhimani. He always reminded me of a grouchy army colonel, miffed at the troops for losing a battle over something silly. He never would talk about what happened on the ground but everything else. I still remember a early 1986/87 ODI India being demolished by Sri Lanka at Kanpur or one of those cities. Chandrakant Pandit had gotten out to an atrocious shot and Mr. Bhimani almost bust a blood vessel by yelling ‘what business does he have playing a shot like that’ …

All these gents pale into insignificance whilst compared to the one and only Aakash Lal. Now, I’ve heard people speak slowly but Aakash not only took the cake, he took the baker and the bakery along with it. He didn’t’t just speak slow. He spoke slower than slow. For eg, Azza not only came to the wicket, he took guard, faced up, turned one down to fine leg and got to the other end while Akash was still on ‘ Now … walking to the wicket…. is … Mohammed ….. Azharu…… you get the picture. My friends and I spent many humourous moments playing cricket ourselves in the colony and giving commentary Lal style.

And then, we suffered (and still continue to do so) hindi commentary. Hands up all those of you who remember ‘ kaafi napitully gaendbazzi kar rahe hain dour walli chode se’. Holler if yu hear me say ‘shandaar tarikay se nikala hai covers ke bilkul beech mei se’. Gimme a hell yeah if yu want me to part with my ‘vishesh tippanis’ of the day. And they murdered names. I remember ‘Grammy’ Hick and ‘Gatting batting kar rahe hain’. Who can ever forget ‘Funny’ De Viliers, Hansie ‘Cronj’ and ‘Brain’ McMillan? Not me for one! Sushil Doshi and Ravi Chaturvedi, take a bow!

And then we have a host of present sub-continent commentators who take commentary to another level. Or should I say depth. But that’s all for another day!

Keep it real, folks!

Riggs

Kaif = Sehwag = Not Bloody Much

2006-04-03T11:48:00.000-07:00

(April 4, 2006 00:20:18 AM)

Bartman: so finally 'the boys have batted well'

Riggs: yeah, Yuvie played a blinder tho

Bartman: poor kaif is going the sehwag way wot

Riggs : yeah, anotha Bombay Duck in the making

Bartman : i hope he finds his way back quickly before he has to start talking like sehwag…. 'since my childhood, i have liked attacking. that's what im going to do now'

Riggs: yeah attacking Sehwag ki maa's food is wot

Bartman: someone should have pointed out that in childhood, most folks like to act like chimpanzees

Riggs : he got out like a blitherin’ idiot today

Bartman : probably what a baby chimpanzee would have done

Riggs: Hehe..post this mon.

Bartman: You sure? This isn’t really funny.

Riggs: We only gonna post funny? Not thot provoking ??

Bartman: Right, you got it.

Century Huduga

2006-04-03T11:17:00.000-07:00

(3/18/2006 12:13:47 AM)

Riggs : yu must be rather miffed? That Banglooru chap is playin his 100th test tomorrow? chap wot made his debut wid him not there

Bartman : ‘well you know, it reely is an honour for me, you know, i mean to share this moment with the boys, you know, and with sachin, you know, i mean, obviously, you know, it is an honour for a cricketer, you know obviously, i mean, with anil here too, you know’

Riggs : yer sore-av grapes are showin mon, but i terribly thrilled for Kumble and his 500. Now dat was special

Bartman : fucking half josephite playing half baked games against colleagues with half witted aussie coaches

Riggs : ROTFLMAO

Bartman : yeah..kumble's is a special achievement no doubt, what's most honorable is he says it's just another game, i mean how cho chweet is that

Riggs : yer soundin like a Rebel wid sharp claws

Bartman : ‘sachin's breaking a record and kumble's breaking a record and england are going to work their english arses off to level the series and he's going to play his 100th game…. and it is just another game’

Riggs : grumble grumble

Bartman : he's a con job mon...you ll see one day

Riggs : when mon? When he gets to 10000 runs ? *just checking*

Bartman : lol

Bartman : laff it off mon..

Riggs : or when he become india's most successful captain?

Riggs : Gangs had wins against Zimbabwe (and hundreds against them also) and Bongladesh. Those shudnt be counted

Bartman : just recall that every captain from gavaskar to shastri to kapil to azhar to ganguly...each one was meted out an uncharitable end to career.. it's the nature of the sport in india mon...way too much spite and interpersonal bullshit

Riggs : Gavaskar retired wid style .... and a 188 in his last 'big' match as a member of the World XI VS MCC XI, Shastri .... he never captained, save one test .... and when did he matter anyhoo? As for Kapil .... he retired AFTER he was carried for like 15 tests so he cud make that world record.

Bartman : that was after he had given up his captaincy

Riggs : Azhar ... well ... it was either retire or be the world's first cricket-playin jailed cricketer, Ganguly .. he lost captaincy after he needed 300 balls to score a hundred against Zimbabwe AND Kaps wasnt captain coz no one cud unnerstand his post-match conference… 'it give great me joy and pride as indian spinners kumble take 500 wikkets we whole nations shud be prouds'

Bartman : look mon...you are too wise to believe all of this was straightforward and merit-based and had nothing to do with board politics and Dalmiya and Bal Thackarey's closet deals with Pramod Mahajan

Riggs: What did you do this afternoon mon? Drool over Mel Gibson in Conspiracy Theory?

Captain Lumberjack

2006-04-03T08:05:00.000-07:00

(3/20/2006 12:18:48 AM)

Bartman : did they not consider waiting till the end of the series before
they declare a guy captain for the next 1.5 years?

Bartman : i mean even if it's a given, what would possibly explain the timing of the announcement?!

Riggs : cant imagine how these chaps weren't part of the first team ... they is so good. Can ya imagine wot Vaughan and Trscothik wuda done?

Riggs : I grant you,I didnt understand that one at all @ naming capn so soon .... that too for so long

Riggs : not that i think dravid wud get complacent

Bartman : heh..no doubt mon, series wudda been a lot more interesting with vaughn at the helm

Bartman : doesnt matter what HE gets mon, cholera maybe

Riggs: they wuda beaten us

Bartman : but is there a precedent to this sorta announcement?

Riggs : nopes

Riggs : not that i can think of

Bartman : it's amazing what sort of politicking happens mon..

Riggs : i guess they dont see anyone else capable of leadin this team

Riggs : do yu?

Riggs : did u see that complete freak show last week ... Aus VS SA?

Bartman : very funny...but even if that's what the selectors think, i dont see the merit to the announcement...sheer mind games

Bartman : yeah of cos..

Riggs : wot balls eh?

Bartman : too bad they didnt fight it out in the first test tho

Riggs : i KNOW we wuda given up by the 30th over

Riggs : of us bowling, ie

Bartman : lol

Riggs : forget the batting

Bartman : smith's been great for them mon

Riggs : he's got attitude

Bartman : now that's an inspiring captain...as is vaughan..all attitude

Bartman : hehe..exactly

Bartman : something mr humble bumble has none of

Bartman: you know

Riggs : he does too@ attitude

Riggs : now shush we arent goin there

Riggs : he's gonna save this one for us wait and see

Bartman : right, the attitude of the strong silent lumberjack in a mills and boon novel

Riggs : i never read any but i think i get the picture

Bartman : oh yes, i have no doubt he will mon. all heroes in modern india follow that gallant selfless script, you know. first you make an inexplicably stupid decision that costs your people the world. then you get someone higher up to give you a plaque and assure the masses of your secure future. then you know, you sorta, you know swoop in and save the world.

Half-trekker, Coming Soon

2006-04-03T03:13:00.000-07:00

(1/29/2006 10:47:36 PM)

Bartman: sup

Riggs : not much mon

Riggs : i bet yu gonna have a sleepless nite tho

Bartman : huh?! why?

Riggs: Ganguly's batting

Bartman : Uh..

Riggs : dude did u watch those indicators come on?

Riggs : his eyes go blink blink ..... blink blink .... blink blink ..

Bartman: What is to happen of the Prince mon?

Riggs : dont lose heart

Riggs : mebbe he'll become a commentator like Ramiz

Bartman : how benevolent

Riggs : soon he ll be saying of Akhtar, he is bowling a half trekker i dont know why

Bartman : maybe he ll grow a nose in defiance too

Riggs: i have NO idea wot Ramiz's haff-trekker is

Bartman: i think he means track ?

Riggs: half tracker = short ball that pitches in the half of the pitch = half trekker?

Riggs : and the third slipper i know

Riggs : and of cos, law of Evrejes

Bartman: I doubt Dada's hair will grow any longer.

Riggs : dint know if he meant Average or Yuvraj