So why don't they have a Dravid gag?

So I was watching Vikram Sathaye doing his very famous thing on Riggs' recommendation. And as Providence would have it, at the exact moment that Mr Sathaye very graciously stuck out his Ganguly ass (pardon the tastelessness) at his very large audience of cricket-type and not-so-cricket-type folks, Mr Dravid struck out with a grace in equal measure. Riggs tells me there is a fairly large crop of stand up comics that specialize in cricket and cricketers these days. It's only natural I suppose, given the sheer size of the subcontinental market. Maggi has managed to sell ridiculously bad instant noodles (tastemaker included) for decades now.2 minutes to make, and 2 days to get over. Anything sells around here. Well, anyway, I was wondering why none of these guys seem to have a Dravid gag. Obviously, there is potential there. Or, wait, maybe I'm wrong. Maybe the magnitude of this man's dreariness leaves no scope for humor. Maybe Captain Bumble's lack of imagination is so tragic, that it's ignoble to make it the subject of an evening's gig. As Brian Lara sent our boys on a leather hunt around his home ground, and Mr Consistent stared ahead in a stony, unnerved silence, it occurred to me that despite the hilarity that the cynical amongst us may associate with a subcontinental team being led by a Mills & Boon protagonist, there is absolutely nothing here to stand up and laugh about.

Bart

Ind 1 - WI 2, and here's something to still smile about!

Here we are, India trailing the Windians by one game, not a scenario that was thought about before this tour started. But then, I'm not sure we figured about Sarwan and his heroics. Amazing batting to say the least. Anyhoo, this is not exactly a cricket blog about the India Windia tour, but something that made me laugh!

Have a dekho....

http://media.putfile.com/CricketComedy

Da Riggs

17 till I die

Right. So I haven't really had the time to gloat. But for all practical purposes, imagine that I'm a Simpson kid right now. And I'm saying 'I told you so' in a Duff slur. Unfortunately, since this hypothetical line of thought makes me a Simpson kid, I cannot logically say the same thing in three different languages( Lisa probably doesn't opine about cricket). Don't get me wrong, I think it's tragic we've messed up the last two games. Clearly, on paper, our lads are far more talented. And Mr Humble-Bumble's team is a far more well-knit set of kids, accent on kids. But there is such a thing as rubber band luck, if you will ( original phrase coined by Bart the Magnificent, 20:40 hours, 24th May, 2006). And Mr Bumble's elastic was bound to snap. Let's face it - the complete lack of imagination is NOT a good thing. Not on this continent or any another. And not even if some of us call it consistency.

But it has to be said, some of the lads have shown great character. Yuvraj is really coming into his own, even owning resposibility for the ODI 2 disaster, and Kaif and Sehwag are finding their flair once more. The quickies are doing rather well, given the completely new conditions. And before I forget, Powar's fielding brings back images of the unlikely agility of one Mr Ranatunga. All of these bright spots are of course characteristically eclipsed by yet another inexplicable mid-series Selection announcement. And not enough can be said of the media fiasco about Tendulkar's contentious availabilty for the same. But that's a whole other story.

Anyhoo, let's hope the guys find their way back to their winning ways, their Captain notwithstanding. And also, a special prayer for Riggs who's taking all this very badly. As for his hero, Bryan Adams has managed to leverage the number 18 for like a 180 years, rest assured that 17 will be atleast half as useful.

Bart

17 / Seventeen / Dix-sept / Siebzehn / Diecisiete (and Doubting Tamilians)

For those of you who misunderstand this for a United Nations Number Game, Nyet Mates, fear not, kiss your worries aufweidersehen and au revoir, Mi Bambinos! 17, actually, was the average age of American GI's in Vietnam, hows that for useless trivia? Anyhoo, getting back to the point on hand, whats the average age of American GI's doing on a cricket blog??? It's rather simple, darlings, It's Win # 17 While Chasing, Extending That World Record, Thank you very much.

It was a Thursday night. Thursday in Nizamville means its Karaoke @ 10 Downing Street, (The PUB, not the Blair summer home). I had no idea there was a match on. Woe is me. I didn't get to watch a single ball being bowled. Alas.

BUT, Hurrah Highlights ... the Indian win was set-up by a conniving (apparently), too good to be true (apparently), Bastard (hell NO) gent called Rahul Dravid. The man Bartman loves to hate, but more on that later.

The match appears to have been a runfest as usual. Our fine opening attack of Messrs Pathan and Patel were done in by Gayle force winds, notching up 100 runs in their 20 overs before Harbhajan Singh and sanity returned. 251 must have appeared to be a fighting total, if not a match winning one.

The Indian scorecard shows us that Sehwag should have responded faster to the second run that ran him out, Pathan should have batted lower and Yuvie while being the second best left hander on the ground needs to learn the values of patience ! Heartening news for Mohd Kaif fans as he got back among the runs and hung around there till the finish.

The Windian crowd (easier to say than 'West Indians') also had their first taste of Dhoni, 18 off 11, 2 x 4, 6 x 1. Needless to say, those figures will improve drastically as long as he gets to bat a little higher! I am told the next match is on Saturday night. What fun. Saturday Night, Under Deck (watering hole for the uninitiated), Big Screen, Filipina Band, Assorted Pretty Women, Carib Cricket.... Could one ask for more?

OH YES. Another RD 100. Who tha man????

I know I'm forgetting something here! Aah yes, our heading also mentions our southern doubting thomas iyers, another Riggs and Bart cutpase, if you will :-

Bartman: Mort!!

Riggs : Bart!!!!!!!!!

Bartman: what's up mon?

Riggs: nuffink, awoke a lil while ago

Bartman: ah

Riggs: twas a splendid saturday nite, as yu can prolly tell

Bartman: heh, me too actually

Bartman: Splendid

Bartman: lol..this morning, my dad notices that as long as the Injuns were in India, Dravid was referring to the team as "the boys" and now, he's calling them "the kids"

Riggs: heh @ RD ... i havent been followin the news actually last cuppla days .... but i did see a pic of him in team blazer and all bein interviewd by windies media .... my only question is ... who the feck wears a suit in the windies ? :o

Bartman: lol, other than sir naipaul, shreeshanth and dravid

Bartman: of cos shreeshanth has to wear a suit to avoid looking like a shetty hitman from Thane

Riggs: hehehehehehehe

Riggs: wots with that hair?

Bartman: Guruvayur

Riggs: heh

Riggs: he looks like a bit of a camel when he's on the move, that boy, legs upto his chest and all

Bartman: i was there some time ago, the locals were whispering abt how the Gods of Guruvayur had granted him his wish of gettin into the Indian team

Bartman: heh@camel

Riggs: yeah ? Mebbe i shud visit Gurvayur too. Tell the gods i appreciate them givin me a waist like a cricketer (Powar) and then request if it cud be exchanged for .. hmm .. lets say .. Matty Hayden's bod?

Bartman: crazy place that @ Guruvayur, crowded as hell and they have a board right outside the sanctum that says "Non-Hindus strictly not allowed.

Bartman: Preposterous

Riggs: so no Pathan and Zaheer and Kaif @ Gurvayur, wot?

Bartman: hehehe..yea, and i read that Matt Hayden has adopted Kochi as his second home, so the Gods will prolly know his body well

Riggs: BTW ... my pal Sunder was here yesterday, had the gall to tell me that a 'BLOG' meant that it did NOT have 'cut-paste' convos and that they needed to updated more regularly. If i warnt in an AC cab with him and if it warnt 40 degrees outside, i wuda stopped the cab and thrown him out.

Bartman: well, Sunder can be told politely that it isnt his Blog. and we'll bloody well so whatever we want with it.

Riggs: of cos, yu will forgive him when i tell yu that he 'thinks' Dravid is a rehearsed man. Everything that he says is rehearsed. For eg ' So Rahul, they hit yu for 350 in a day, tough day in the field eh?' RD :- *smiling* 'oh well it was a tough time but we all have tough days and let me tell yu if yu try putting a 3 month old baby to sleep yu'll know wot a tough day is'

Bartman: besides, our convos are far more readable than some random ramblings on most 'BLOGS' abt what someone wanted to do, almost did and didnt quite do last saturday

Riggs: Oh well .... my reply wasnt so verbose. And it wasnt as rude as your response.

Bartman: lol, yes, i like Sunder

Riggs: I said ' kiss my ass yu tam &%$%#&% and ' do yu want a please with your fuck off?'

Bartman: he's rehearsed because he has no original thots mon

Riggs: oh shut up. I'm not gettin into an arguement wit yu on a day yu have reports tocomplete and i have pork to prepare, but all I'm sayin is the last time we won a series in the West Indies, i was just born, sunil gavaskar just debuted, ajit wadekar was skipper. And now RD is going to get us another one back.

Riggs: (in a time and an age where my waist size is greater than my age)

Bartman: it's going to be an amusing series mon, i ll tell yu that

Riggs: oh yes it is

Bartman: and what's all this nonsense abt your waist size, what happened to your strict diet?

Riggs: i always like watchin cricket in the carib ... there's more action in the stands than on the field. Hurrah WorldTel

Riggs: I've been very strict with my diet. So strict that i'm not lettin it make an appearance. I like tellin peeps im on a C-Food Diet. I eat wot i see. eh?

Bartman: lol

The updates will be more frequent now, considerin we have games on. More later boys and gurls !

The Riggster

Anchor's Aweigh!

Well now, we've all been laying low awhile now. But a few hours from now, the Grand Indian Circus Company (albeit dressed like a Cricket Team) will set sail, across the vast ocean, and into the islands of good hope, cheery folks and terribly weird-looking musical instruments. Here's kickin' off our very own day-to-day coverage of the grand tour then. This is just the teaser though, to get Riggstah to smile for reasons that don't involve playing house, Travel & Living Style. Like they say in Trinidad ( and I know this more by way of Sir Naipaul than any actual study of Carribean culture), see ya'll in a bit mon.

Bart